A GoPride Interview

Lisa Lampanelli

Lisa Lampanelli: Twitter has to be a reality in everyone’s life. Doesn’t it make you sick? But we have to do it.

Thu. December 1, 2011  by Jerry Nunn

Twitter has to be a reality in everyone’s life. Doesn’t it make you sick? But we have to do it.
Lisa Lampanelli

Jerry Nunn talks Whitney and Westboro with comedian Lisa Lampanelli

Controversial comedian Lisa Lampanelli is coming to The Venue in Hammond Indiana with her in-your-face stand-up act. Known for celebrity roasts, writing, and acting the "Lovable Queen of Mean" tackles many taboo subjects much like a modern day Don Rickles. Rumor has it that she will be on this season of Celebrity Apprentice airing in 2012.

Jerry Nunn talked Whitney and Westboro with Lisa on a Wednesday from the Windy City!

JN: (Jerry Nunn) Hey, Lisa. Thanks for chatting on Thanksgiving week.

LL: (Lisa Lampanelli) No problem. I have nothing to be thankful for…

JN: Are you cooking?

LL: Hell no. I eat. I don't cook.

JN: So, no big plans?

LL: Oh, my whole family gets together but I skate out of there because I am the one with the career and no kids so I am allowed to sit on my ass and they serve me.

JN: Last time we talked was during that whole Westboro Baptist Church controversy where you donated $50,000 to the Gay Men's Health Crisis on their behalf.

LL: Those f*cking freaks.

JN: Westboro just fought with the Foo Fighters.

LL: They fight with everybody. I was shocked that they protested Larry the Cable Guy. You would think that if there was one guy on their side, who really isn't, he would be the one. They are such idiots. They think anyone that comes to town will give them free publicity.

JN: I watched you on Whitney Cummings show last week.

LL: She's the best. How about the fact that she actually wrote in a part for me when she said she would. Isn't that crazy? It is just so weird in this business to ask someone to do something and actually do it. She's young and totally on the right path.

JN: It's a very well written show.

LL: Isn't it cute and her boyfriend is really nice. I love him. I really hope the show lasts because with networks you never know.

JN: You played the manager of a dog pound. Are you a big animal lover?

LL: Well, I have a dog as you know. I adopted my dog Parker out of a rescue. So I identified with the character.

JN: Did you meet Whitney on a roast?

LL: Yes, we met on the David Hasselhoff one. We also did the Donald Trump one together and just hit it off. Anyone that comes up to you and says you inspire them and you are their hero, suddenly I like them! She was cool and respectful and I really liked her. For some bitch who has two network deals to be that nice shows she is a really good person.

JN: Did the Donald Trump roast lead you to Celebrity Apprentice?

LL: I can't even talk about the show. I can't confirm or deny.

JN: I thought they announced it. Is it a secret?

LL: No, they are announcing things in January so I have to keep quiet. All I can say is for some strange reason I have been hanging out with Debbie Gibson a lot lately. I don't know why. It's not like we are doing any projects together but I have seen my share of Jordache jeans.

JN: I love Debbie.

LL: I do too! She is talented and cool but she still wears her Jordaches.

JN: When we talked she mentioned that turning 40 was no big deal. She looks great.

LL: When I turned 50 last year this was my way of dealing with it, I had been telling people that I was 50 for the last three years to get used to saying the word. People say, " Wow, you look great for 50." Hell yeah! I'm going to start telling people I'm 75 so they think I'm Betty White's age.

JN: Rosie O'Donnell is freaked out about turning 50.

LL: Really? Oh my God I can joke about her now. I think there should be gay marriage in 50 states for her fiftieth birthday. Being legal would be a better gift than the black strap-on I had ear marked for her!

JN: You should do her show.

LL: I want to actually because we Twitter back in forth. I won her over when I roasted Trump. I think she hates him so much that she thought the jokes were real! I grew to respect her a lot. I like the fact that she gave Eileen Fisher a hard time. Did you know about that?

JN: No tell me.

LL: This is so funny. There is the clothing store designer called Eileen Fisher who makes outrageously priced clothes. Every sweater is over 300 bucks. She makes bigger sizes as well as small and Rosie said she liked her fat girl clothes. Eileen said, "Oh, I'm trying to get away from that." Rosie freakin' boycotted and badmouthed her. The minute you say you don't like fat bitches Rosie is on you. I'm just staying fat the rest of my life so Rosie doesn't get pissed at me!

JN: You are very into Twitter.

LL: Twitter has to be a reality in everyone's life. Doesn't it make you sick? But we have to do it. We have no choice. Who though at this age I would have to learn a whole new thing? It sucks!

JN: But you are good at and thank you for following me on there.

LL: Well, I figure my fans deserve like two good jokes a day. I don't do a whole lot of personal stuff but I will argue with people and have fun with it. Nobody wants to hear what you are doing every second of the day but as long as I get a couple of jokes in I am happy.

JN: You mentioned the Peruvian mayor who thinks the water is turning people gay.

LL: Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard? That is the great thing about America or just the world, there's a stupid thing that happens every moment that we can joke about.

JN: After visiting Peru I say let them all turn gay, I would be happy with that.

LL: Oh honey, work it if you got it! Isn't all of South America gay just because their hips don't lie? By the way did you see the finale of Dancing With the Stars last night?

JN: I did.

LL: It was good but I was little disappointed by Ricki Lake weren't you?

JN: Well, I want to interview her about her new talk show that is in the works.

LL: Oh goodie. I'm really glad she will be back on television. And how gay does her fiancé seem? He's in the audience and supports so I wouldn't care if he is s*cking a d*ck or not!

JN: I will also be talking to Tori Spelling and I know you have Twittered about her in the past.

LL: My Twitters about Tori are kind. The people I have met in person like Bethenny Frankel, or I love the Hoursewives, I might joke about but it never goes vicious. So with Tori it wasn't anything horrible. She still likes me, I think.

JN: I will check with her and let you know. At The Venue will you be gambling?

LL: No, I don't. I have played roulette a few times but that was when I was single and looking for men. Now that I am married and boring I will probably not gamble.

JN: They do have a good buffet from all over the world.

LL: Well see now you have talked me into going! Now tell me this, have I played this Horseshoe Casino?

JN: No, you haven't.

LL: I don't think I have played anything with a horse in its name. That is not far from Chicago right? Like a half hour?

JN: There is a skyway to drive there or they bus people in from the city.

LL: Oh no, you mean I am going to arrive in my Escalade and there will be people bused to my show? If I were a nice person I would hire everyone limousines but guess what, I am not. You have to come here scumbag and worship the queen!

JN: Of course. I love hearing about all of your projects.

LL: Did I tell you about my Broadway show?

JN: No, do tell.

LL: Oh my god you are supposed to know about it because you are a big dirty fag! I know you girls love Broadway so next fall LL is doing a one-person show on Broadway. It is tentatively titled Bring Back the Fat Chick because that was a very instrumental sentence in my lifetime. That changed everything for me. Seriously it is really good. It is written by me and the guy that wrote Billy Crystal's one-person show called 700 Hundred Sundays. It is going to be huge. You have to come to New York and see me!

JN: Yes and we have to tell people about it.

LL: Well, you know in the last few weeks I have been hanging out in a random fashion with people like Dee Snyder and Debbie Gibson, doing something random and totally not related to each other. I thought Broadway was a big deal then Dee was talking being on Broadway with Rock of Ages and Debbie with Les Miserables. I thought, "F*ck, Broadway doesn't mean shit anymore." If those two are on Broadway then let me kill myself right now!

JN: Well, it is your turn to shine there.

LL: Let's make it mine.

JN: Where can people get tickets? On your website?

LL: Yes, it will be next fall so it will be all over the place.

JN: Next year will be a big year for you I have a feeling…

LL: I know. See? You are telepathic, all gays are!

Lisa arrives on Saturday, Dec. 3 at The Venue, 777 Casino Center Drive. Check www.horseshoehammond.com for tickets and details. Follow Lisa at www.insultcomic.com and on Twitter.

Interviewed by Jerry Nunn. Jerry Nunn is a contributing writer to the GoPride Network. His work is also featured in Windy City Times, Nightspots Magazine and syndicated nationally.