Oscars Recap

Mon. February 23, 2015 12:00 AM
by Terrence Chappell

So, I attended Vital Bridges' 5th Annual Oscar Viewing Party last night at John Barleycorn in River North and was a bunch of people in their Sunday's best watching TV.

While I do give the junior board an A+ on attracting a fun and cayute crowd, I was low key looking to get chose by some of the hotties there in tuxes, the whole concept of throwing a party around a TV segment just isn't engaging.

People don't bring out their sexy for a party just to sit on a couch and watch TV. If I'm going to a party, I'm not trying to catch up on my shows. Call me fast, I'm there for the dranks, music, and to "network" with some menziz who potentially want to lay on top of me. Don't act brand new and coy, if you're single or in an open relationship, that's what you're there for too! However, this is no shade to the junior board. I have yet to experience a crazy fun Oscars viewing party, again because the TV is the focal point of the event. But the delicious Svedka custom cocktails got me together real fast! So, all wasn't lost. But above all, the night raised more than 3K, which is enough to provide over 1.2K meals to the those in need.

Any who, about them Oscars doe. Here's my Oscars highlights in no particular order:

Neil Patrick Harris was hilarious and had me at his opening joke:

"Today we honor Hollywood's best and whitest. Sorry, brightest." Was he lyin???

Also, Harris got body by Jac. I would've been perfectly ok with him hosting the rest of the show in tighty whities.

Congrats to Common and John Legend for snagging an Oscar for Best Original Song for "Glory". Not only did they pull an Oprah and had all the white people crying, but the duo brought their Oscar win full circle by delivering an inspiring thank you speech.

Lupita looked flawless and stunning per usual.

Not so random thought, every time I see Oprah come on stage, I can't help but to think, "I'm riiiiiiiiich biiiiiiiitch!

After seeing starlets like Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, and other stars in their 40s, I'm convinced that these women are bathing in the blood of virgins. Screw going under he knife, these celebs are either snatchin up virgins or eating somebody's young. Hide yo kidz! Hide yo virginz - if any are left these days...

Now, I've never cared too much for musicals. People randomly breaking out in song and dance just freak me out. However, Lady Gaga slayed in her Sound of Music tribute to Julie Andrews. The newly engaged pop star nailed musical classics such as: "The Sound of Music, "My Favorite Things", "Edelweiss, and "Climb". I especially enjoyed her gray long hair, don't care!

Congrats to all the winners!