Judy Gold

Comedian Judy Gold returns to Chicago for a three-day show at the Up Comedy Club, March 14-16.

Gold has won two Emmy awards for writing and producing The Rosie O'Donnell Show. She has also won a GLAAD Award for Outstanding New York Theatre for an off-Broadway play, 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother. A Jewish mother herself, Gold has two children and is full of stories about them.

Gold has appeared on The Aristocrats, 30 Rock and I am Comic and the talk shows, including The Wendy Williams Show, The View and co-hosting Anderson Live.

Jerry Nunn talked to her about her life as a stand-up comic, plus more in this spirited and fun interview.

JN: (Jerry Nunn) Hey, Judy. How are you?

JG: (Judy Gold) I'm old.

JN: I think you are better than ever. I like the new straight hair.

JG: I like it. It is a fucking pain in the ass though. If there is an ounce of humidity we are done with that.

JN: You hair is naturally curly?

JG: Yeah. I like it curly.

JN: How's the family?

JG: Oh great. I have a sixteen year old and an eleven year old. They are so easy. Once they hit sixteen it is such a pleasure. I'm kidding!

JN: Wait until college…

JG: We already started looking. First off it is mind boggling that I had kids and that I am a parent.

JN: You were trapped in a car with your ex and the kids not too long ago I read on Twitter.

JG: Yes, Henry wanted to go to Syracuse because it is the most expensive college in the entire world. We thought it would be some good bonding but then he wanted to invite David. He wanted to bring like twenty kids with him. So I drove, my ex was in the passenger seat and there were three sixteen-year olds in the back. The saddest part is that I have the same sense of humor as the three sixteen-year old boys!

JN: See that's keeping you young. So you are coming to the Up Comedy Club.

JG: Yes, that place is upstairs from Second City.

JN: There is a good Mexican restaurant there also.

JG: I love that. I just ate at Chipotle today.

JN: It's called the Adobo Grill. You performed at that Zanies right there before.

JG: I don't remember.

JN: There were a lot of frat girls at that show. I thought the Center on Halsted show was better.

JG: I do remember that.

JN: So what are you working on right now? I saw you on Joy Behar's show.

JG: Yes, I do her show a lot. I love her and I am sitting in for her at the end of March. I was just on 30 Rock. I'm on the series finale of The Big C.

JN: I love that show.

JG: It is awesome. I can't believe I got to work with Laura Linney.

JN: Tell me about it.

JG: First of all we get there and they give you a little script with your lines. We go to rehearsal. She has no script and knows every single one of her lines perfectly. She is the sweetest, so unassuming, lovely warm person. She is perfect. I am not kidding. She was the consummate professional. So that was that.

JN: What else?

JG: I was on Celebrity Chopped. That is on the Food Network on April 28. On March 21 there is a Showtime special about women comics so you can look for me there. I'm on Wendy Williams.

JN: You are on her panel there.

JG: Yes, she's a Jersey girl like me so I love her.

JN: She says whatever comes in her head.

JG: She's great. Oh, and I co-hosted Anderson the daytime show.

JN: You are doing really well.

JG: I'm doing good but if I could perhaps get more than one bathroom in my apartment that would be fantastic.

JN: You are still in that same place?

JG: I gotta get out. I share a bathroom with one tween and one teen. They both have penises. You think I don't wake up to clean pee every morning?

JN: Eww.

JG: It is so awful.

JN: I noticed you were live tweeting about the Oscars.

JG: Oh I know, to the chagrin of my girlfriend who wanted to just watch TV together. I told her that I had to make nasty comments about everyone to feel good about myself.

JN: Did you just stay in with no party?

JG: Oh yeah, we just sat there with my computer in my lap and that was it.

JN: It is fun to poke fun at the Oscars.

JG: They take themselves so seriously. I told Joy if they use the word "brave" one more time… I'm sorry that was not brave.

JN: Did you have a favorite Oscar nominated movie?

JG: I didn't see all of them but I did love Argo.

JN: I did too!

JG: I loved it from beginning to end. I loved the story. I love the way it was told.

JN: I loved the eighties.

JG: It was the seventies, ok? It was Jimmy Carter days.

JN: I'm bad with history.

JG: Apparently!

JN: I usually talk Oscars with Joan Rivers. She gets them all for free.

JG: I do too. I watch them from my television, which I don't think is really the way to see them. I actually saw Argo in the theater. I loved Flight. Did you see it?

JN: No, I want to.

JG: It is so good!

JN: Were you scared to fly after?

JG: No. I have been flying for so long. When I first started doing stand-up and had to go on a plane I had to take a fear of flying course. They sent me cassette tapes so I kind of got over it. Let me tell you something I was white knuckle and scared of everything before but now I am fine.

JN: Do you like all this traveling?

JG: No I hate it. I can't fit in the seat. Every plane is really crowded. It used to be that you could get three seats in a row. Now every plane is full and they charge you to blow your nose. It is ridiculous. If you want to get on early you have to pay.

JN: You could do a tour bus like Whoopi.

JG: That is true. Like I can afford that and it would be so easy to park in New York…

JN: I am sure. Do you want to keep doing stand-up?

JG: I love doing stand-up. I would love to be on a show and have stand-up be something I would do on the side. I would really love to have a gig. That would be awesome.

JN: Like Joy.

JG: Of course! I would be so happy. That would be my plot to take over. I'm kidding. That would be the perfect thing for me. I'm opinionated, I'm funny and I don't want to travel.

JN: Are you bringing your girlfriend this time?

JG: No, she has to watch the kids. My ex is going to be in Singapore so she has to watch the kids, which will mean 74 phone calls a day. On Mondays and Thursdays I get like 12 phone calls from my younger son asking if he has to go to Hebrew school. I tell him has to go because I had to go and now he has to suffer!

JN: That's why I don't have kids.

JG: I can't believe Perez Hilton had a baby!

JN: Where did it come from? That came out of nowhere.

JG: If someone else had a baby we would know every detail from him. We know no details.

JN: Does he have a boyfriend?

JG: You are asking me?

JN: It was just so weird. That alien baby pops up on his website in a picture with him.

JG: I know.

JN: Well, let me know if you need anything while you are in town.

JG: Here is what I need. I need all the gays and lesbians to come and see me. I love the gays and they are the best audience. Gays can laugh at themselves. There are a few that can't but they are uptight. I also love the transgender community because I had a total knee replacement and I have a male knee.

JN: I thought you were kidding me when told me that on Twitter!

JG: No, I had a total knee replacement. They made a female knee and they can't tell if it will fit before they go in so of course I am the size of a large man so they gave me a man's knee.

JN: Are you serious?

JG: It is not from a man. It is a fake knee made from metal but there is a female and a male one. I have the male one. I now get frisked in the airport and I think I should be frisked by a guy because I'm a lezzie with a male knee.

JN: You have to get that in the act. I was kidding you about having a bionic knee before on Twitter.

JG: It should be bionic. It still hurts and I had it done in July.

JN: I will bring you some guacamole from downstairs to make you feel better.

JG: I love guacamole. Let me know what show you are coming to!

Go for the Gold as stand-up comic Judy Gold headlines at the Up Comedy Club, 230 W North Avenue 3rd Floor, on March 14-16. Visit upcomedyclub.com for tickets and information.