Boycotts and Little Debbie’s

I was interested to read the annual "Buying for Workplace Equality" guide published by the Human Rights Campaign, which gives a list of companies who score badly in equal rights for LGBT's. Some of the errant businesses include Bed, Bath and Beyond, Brooke's Brothers, Lowe's, Regal Cinema's, the Container Store, Spirit Airlines, and Zales Jewelers. I only shop at two on the list: Bed, Bath and Beyond, and Lowe's. Neither of which will be seeing any money from me again. When I boycott, I BOYCOTT. I've never paid to see an Eddie Murphy or Mel Gibson movie after they made homophobic remarks decades ago. In spite of their homophobia, Murphy went on to be caught in flagrante delicto with a transvestite prostitute and Gibson won an Oscar for directing "Braveheart," in which he appeared with big hair, a skirt, and baring his ass like a hooker trying to feed ten kids. Paging Dr. Freud!!

On the positive side, I read this news story:

"Add Procter & Gamble to the ever-growing list of companies to openly support marriage equality.

"The Cincinnati Enquirer reports that the Ohio-based consumer products giant has taken a public stand on same-sex marriage in what P&G's Chief Global Diversity Officer William Gipson describes as 'statement of support for our employees.'"

Three cheers for Proctor & Gamble.

This is all well and good but I often wonder who invited these companies into my bedroom in the first place? Yes, thank you Proctor & Gamble, but when did LGBT's start caring what a company that manufactures diapers and dandruff shampoo thinks of us? What do basic human rights have to do with shopping?

I don't think other civil rights movements cared much about whether businesses have supported them or not. Did Susan B. Anthony fight for women's suffrage with the support of the Bonjour Tristesse Brassiere Company? I don't think so. Did Martin Luther King Jr. seek support from the manufacturers of Neolite luggage, or Fire-King ovenware, or Crispy Critters cereal? I think not.

In the recent case of Burwell v. Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc., the U.S. Supreme Court decided that a store that sold "home accents," "papercrafting" and "needle arts" could make decisions about their female employees using contraceptives. When did shopkeepers get to have a say in our love life? You wouldn't walk down to the corner store and ask the owner what they thought of girl-on-girl cunnilingus. So why are the big stores any different?

I resent the fact that businesses are sharing their opinions on homosexuality. It makes shopping complicated. Instead of getting on with my gay lifestyle, which today involves laundry and cleaning the bathrooms, I have to focus on which companies support equality and which ones don't. Straight people can go to a store and buy any pasta they want, whereas I have to think, "Well I can't buy Barilla because Guido Barilla is an anti-gay fascist pig," which he is. Cracker Barrel, Chick-fil-A, Purina, and Urban Outfitters are all homophobic businesses and I boycott all of them. What amazes me is why these businesses come out as anti-gay in the first place when they could quite easily say nothing. Why do they feel the need to comment at all? Why don't they just SFTU?

I've got better things to do with my time. Every day before I purchase something, or hire someone, or book a plane, or catch a bus, I have to take into consideration what the likes of Nestle, Wells Fargo Bank, or Marriott International, think about me sleeping with a man. I don't think me sucking dick has anything to do with AT&T, Nike, Whole Foods Market and Cisco Systems, but they all chip in with their opinions. Why? Where does Little Debbie's stand on anal sex? You can call Little Debbie's toll-free at (800) 522-4499 and ask them if the wide-eyed girl with the straw hat and dykey looking shirt is on board with gay marriage and the whole backdoor sex thing.

Why do we get excited when companies support gay rights? Starbucks throws a couple of drag queens in an ad and we all go off to buy coffee at Starbucks. We support the companies who support us and we boycott the companies who don't. And we have to do it.

However, I can't help thinking it shouldn't be this way. Not really. My shopping list and love life shouldn't be dependent on the whims of a boardroom of Armani suits wearing Black Orchid cologne.