Santa doesn’t sleigh in Red One

Big Red One pulls out all the stops to be an MGM blockbuster but turns out to be a bitter, winter disappointment. Kris Kringle is kidnapped in this kiddie caper and the North Pole's head of security goes on a mission to track him down before Christmas Eve.

The film is geared towards a young generation, hoping to capture a comic book fan's attention with a knock-off. It's rated PG-13 and not appropriate for very young children because of nightmare-inducing snowmen and sprinkled in bad language. There are also thong bikinis on a beach but the overdressed suit-wearing performers are so distracting that it may not be necessary to cover your child's eyes.

The trio of bounty hunter Jack O'Malley (Chris Evans), onscreen partner Olivia (Mary Elizabeth Ellis) and their son Dylan (Jimmy Kimmel's nephew Wesley) all seem to be in a different movie than the rest of the cast.

Lucy Liu spouts out video game technical jargon, complete with an abundance of acronyms such as E.L.F. (Extremely Large and Formidable) and The Claus family, J.K. Simmons and Bonnie Hunt, grab their paychecks before heading down to the South Pole.

Norwegian hunk Kristofer Hivju summons up the dastardly Krampus under layers of latex and Kiernan Shipka returns to her witchy ways as Gryla just in time for winter. They both at least attempt to make interesting villains while jolly ol' Dwayne Johnson continues his quest to shake off the same persona that haunts all of his movies. Rumor has it that The Rock made everyone miserable on the set as they waited for him to arrive, sometimes as much as eight hours. This inflated the budget even more for director Jacob Kasdan, who knew what he was in for because of the Jumanji franchise. This forced the crew to shoot around him putting Johnson on the naughty list and teaching his director friend an important lesson.

With a $250 million dollar price tag expectations are high for Amazon MGM Studios hoping to slay at the box office before eventually landing on home video. The majestic-looking flying reindeer and a polar bear in crimson clothing can't save this holiday flick even when guided by some talented performers. If a Red Two comes true one day maybe the elves can workshop it more before giving it to the world.

If one enjoys rollercoasters and jarring surprises visit Regal City North, 2600 North Western Avenue, to experience Red One in 4DX. Buckle up, the film screens in the United States beginning on November 15, 2024.