Heart to Heart: by Josh Aterovis
As an author and columnist, I get email from people all over the country and world. I hear from people of almost every walk of life, gay, straight, and bisexual men and women. One of the questions I get asked the most is ‘what can I do to make a difference?’ There are myriad answers to that question. Every person’s situation is unique, and the things he or she can do to make a difference are often just as specialized. All the individualized actions can fall under several headings, however, so here’s my list of five ways you can make a difference.
1. Speak up! You can start by refusing to be silenced. Whenever we choose to stay quiet instead of speaking up, we allow the opposition to have the louder voice. Whether we’re talking about the same-sex marriage debate raging all over the United States or verbal gay-bashing, it’s time we spoke up and made our voices heard. Take, for instance, the case of Shirley Bryan. In St. Charles County, Missouri, the county council is moving towards passage of a bill that simply repeats the language of a state law banning same-sex marriage. "It would be a safeguard," Councilman Jeff Morrison said. "We're trying to prevent a little activist judge from overturning the state statute. That's a judge who doesn't represent the values of the people of St. Charles County." At a recent county council meeting, there was only one voice that spoke up against the issue, 70-year old grandmother, Shirley Bryan. "Who is harmed by a marriage of two people of the same sex?" Bryan asked. "I think we're making a big mistake entangling religion with government." After the meeting, Bryan said she was disappointed no one else attended the meeting to speak against the bill. "I know many people who share my views on this, but for some reason they don't want to say anything. I think this whole issue is political and some day I think it will be found unconstitutional." Mrs. Bryan wasn’t afraid to stand alone, but think how much more powerful her voice would have been if others had been willing to speak up as well.
You don’t have to take speaking up literally, either. Writing letters to the editor of your local paper and your government representatives is just as important, and sometimes even more effective. Our opponents are well-organized and quick to flood your representatives with letters, phone calls, and lobby visits. To counteract that strategy, we have to employ the same means. There are many tools to help you in this effort, from HRC’s Action Center to similar organizations on local levels. Speak up by contacting your reps and letting them know where you stand on the issues important to you.
2. Stand up for your rights! This one goes hand and hand with speaking up, but it takes the idea a step forward. Now you’re not just speaking up in defense of a right that may apply to others, but you’re making it personal by standing up for your rights. Too often we allow others to trample over our rights because we’re too afraid to be in the spotlight, but by standing up, we can make a difference. For example, when his high school refused to allow him to mention his sexuality in his campaign for student body president, 17-year-old Jarred Gamwell enlisted the ACLU to fight for his rights. The school principal removed posters for Gamwell stating “Queer Guy for Hunt High”, saying they were disruptive to learning. By contacting the ACLU, Gamwell said he hoped to "raise awareness of what's going on at the school, what administrators and teachers are trying to get away with. I want students to take their rights seriously." While Gamwell ultimately lost his bid for class president, he succeeded in making a difference in his school. "It was crazy,” he said. “People who don't normally even talk to me have been very supportive."
3. Don’t be afraid to be different! Unarguably, it’s easier to go with the flow, but what’s easy isn’t always what’s best. Sometimes, we need to go out on a limb and be different. Former Massachusetts governor William Weld has been one of the few prominent Republicans willing to speak out in favor of same-sex marriage. During his tenure from 1991-1997, Weld laid much of the groundwork leading up to the state’s landmark decision to legalize same-sex marriage, including the appointment of chief justice Margaret Marshall, who authored the historic ruling. He recently signed a letter to 200 Massachusetts legislators urging them not to settle for a civil unions system. Reports have suggested that many prominent Republicans, some in positions of authority within the Bush administration, support LGBT equality, but they are hesitant to differ from the party line. And the problem isn’t limited just to Republicans. Many Democrats have refused to come out in favor of gay rights for fear of being branded a Far-left Liberal. If more people were willing to be different, what a difference that would make!
4. Support important causes! Maybe you’re just not a stand-up-and-be-counted type of person. Maybe you prefer to work in the background. You’re just as important to the cause as those out there on the front lines. Without your support, they wouldn’t have the resources to accomplish the things they do. Monetary donations go a long way, no matter how much you can afford to give. Research has shown that LGBT organizations work with a mere fraction of the budget Right-Wing religious groups like Focus on the Family enjoy. If you can’t afford to donate with your pocketbook, look into donating your time. The important thing is that you’re doing something to support the causes that matter to you.
5. Come out! This is perhaps the single most powerful act you can do to make a difference—and easily the most difficult. The more visible we are, the more normal we become. For most people, it’s a lot harder to condemn something to which you can put a personal face. Someone may find it easier to deny marriage rights to an anonymous gay couple than their friend or co-worker. It’s not easy to come out. In fact, it’s frightening and filled with uncertainty, but it is an important step. Rhode Island legislator Gordon Fox recently took this step at a rally for same-sex marriage. He hadn’t planned on speaking, but as co-sponsor of the state’s pending marriage-equality bill, he was asked to say a few words. Much to his surprise, he found himself telling the assembled crowd that he was gay, and in a six-year relationship. When asked if his coming-out would hurt him politically, Fox replied, “I’ve had well over 300 emails and stacks of phone messages, many from my constituents, who are supportive and appreciate my representation even more than before. I think it will be a positive.” It will certainly be a positive in the fight for marriage equality in the Ocean State, making the issue much more personal to other legislators now that they know the face of same-sex marriage is one of their own.
These are just a few ways you can make a difference. I’m sure you can come up with many more that fit your unique set of circumstances. I challenge you to try it, and then to take action on your ideas. That’s what it all comes down to in the end: Taking action. We can talk about ways to make a difference from now till eternity, but until we get up and make it happen, all it will be is talk. So get out there and make a difference!
© Josh Aterovis, All Rights Reserved
Josh Aterovis is the author of the Killian Kendall Mystery Series as well as numerous columns and articles. He can be reached at Aterovis@comcast.net or http://www.steliko.com/bleedinghearts
1. Speak up! You can start by refusing to be silenced. Whenever we choose to stay quiet instead of speaking up, we allow the opposition to have the louder voice. Whether we’re talking about the same-sex marriage debate raging all over the United States or verbal gay-bashing, it’s time we spoke up and made our voices heard. Take, for instance, the case of Shirley Bryan. In St. Charles County, Missouri, the county council is moving towards passage of a bill that simply repeats the language of a state law banning same-sex marriage. "It would be a safeguard," Councilman Jeff Morrison said. "We're trying to prevent a little activist judge from overturning the state statute. That's a judge who doesn't represent the values of the people of St. Charles County." At a recent county council meeting, there was only one voice that spoke up against the issue, 70-year old grandmother, Shirley Bryan. "Who is harmed by a marriage of two people of the same sex?" Bryan asked. "I think we're making a big mistake entangling religion with government." After the meeting, Bryan said she was disappointed no one else attended the meeting to speak against the bill. "I know many people who share my views on this, but for some reason they don't want to say anything. I think this whole issue is political and some day I think it will be found unconstitutional." Mrs. Bryan wasn’t afraid to stand alone, but think how much more powerful her voice would have been if others had been willing to speak up as well.
You don’t have to take speaking up literally, either. Writing letters to the editor of your local paper and your government representatives is just as important, and sometimes even more effective. Our opponents are well-organized and quick to flood your representatives with letters, phone calls, and lobby visits. To counteract that strategy, we have to employ the same means. There are many tools to help you in this effort, from HRC’s Action Center to similar organizations on local levels. Speak up by contacting your reps and letting them know where you stand on the issues important to you.
2. Stand up for your rights! This one goes hand and hand with speaking up, but it takes the idea a step forward. Now you’re not just speaking up in defense of a right that may apply to others, but you’re making it personal by standing up for your rights. Too often we allow others to trample over our rights because we’re too afraid to be in the spotlight, but by standing up, we can make a difference. For example, when his high school refused to allow him to mention his sexuality in his campaign for student body president, 17-year-old Jarred Gamwell enlisted the ACLU to fight for his rights. The school principal removed posters for Gamwell stating “Queer Guy for Hunt High”, saying they were disruptive to learning. By contacting the ACLU, Gamwell said he hoped to "raise awareness of what's going on at the school, what administrators and teachers are trying to get away with. I want students to take their rights seriously." While Gamwell ultimately lost his bid for class president, he succeeded in making a difference in his school. "It was crazy,” he said. “People who don't normally even talk to me have been very supportive."
3. Don’t be afraid to be different! Unarguably, it’s easier to go with the flow, but what’s easy isn’t always what’s best. Sometimes, we need to go out on a limb and be different. Former Massachusetts governor William Weld has been one of the few prominent Republicans willing to speak out in favor of same-sex marriage. During his tenure from 1991-1997, Weld laid much of the groundwork leading up to the state’s landmark decision to legalize same-sex marriage, including the appointment of chief justice Margaret Marshall, who authored the historic ruling. He recently signed a letter to 200 Massachusetts legislators urging them not to settle for a civil unions system. Reports have suggested that many prominent Republicans, some in positions of authority within the Bush administration, support LGBT equality, but they are hesitant to differ from the party line. And the problem isn’t limited just to Republicans. Many Democrats have refused to come out in favor of gay rights for fear of being branded a Far-left Liberal. If more people were willing to be different, what a difference that would make!
4. Support important causes! Maybe you’re just not a stand-up-and-be-counted type of person. Maybe you prefer to work in the background. You’re just as important to the cause as those out there on the front lines. Without your support, they wouldn’t have the resources to accomplish the things they do. Monetary donations go a long way, no matter how much you can afford to give. Research has shown that LGBT organizations work with a mere fraction of the budget Right-Wing religious groups like Focus on the Family enjoy. If you can’t afford to donate with your pocketbook, look into donating your time. The important thing is that you’re doing something to support the causes that matter to you.
5. Come out! This is perhaps the single most powerful act you can do to make a difference—and easily the most difficult. The more visible we are, the more normal we become. For most people, it’s a lot harder to condemn something to which you can put a personal face. Someone may find it easier to deny marriage rights to an anonymous gay couple than their friend or co-worker. It’s not easy to come out. In fact, it’s frightening and filled with uncertainty, but it is an important step. Rhode Island legislator Gordon Fox recently took this step at a rally for same-sex marriage. He hadn’t planned on speaking, but as co-sponsor of the state’s pending marriage-equality bill, he was asked to say a few words. Much to his surprise, he found himself telling the assembled crowd that he was gay, and in a six-year relationship. When asked if his coming-out would hurt him politically, Fox replied, “I’ve had well over 300 emails and stacks of phone messages, many from my constituents, who are supportive and appreciate my representation even more than before. I think it will be a positive.” It will certainly be a positive in the fight for marriage equality in the Ocean State, making the issue much more personal to other legislators now that they know the face of same-sex marriage is one of their own.
These are just a few ways you can make a difference. I’m sure you can come up with many more that fit your unique set of circumstances. I challenge you to try it, and then to take action on your ideas. That’s what it all comes down to in the end: Taking action. We can talk about ways to make a difference from now till eternity, but until we get up and make it happen, all it will be is talk. So get out there and make a difference!
© Josh Aterovis, All Rights Reserved
