Love Louder than Shame: How Darren Calhoun built a sanctuary of belonging

CHICAGO, ILL. - By Michael Oboza, Special to GoPride.com

During my last year as a volunteer photojournalist, I am grateful to acknowledge a trailblazer, change-maker, and one of a few trusted legends, and give them their flowers.

Through years of dedicated advocacy, Darren Calhoun has selflessly created intersectional safe spaces, building crucial bridges between faith, justice, and community health. His life’s work serves as a powerful reminder never to shrink nor lessen our individual self-worth.

For Calhoun, the journey to becoming a pillar of Chicago's LGBTQ community began with a search for a belonging that initially seemed to keep moving just out of reach.

"I came out as gay at 17, and I thought the hard part was over," Calhoun said. "I figured I'd finally find my people. Instead, the first folks who took a real interest in me were Christians who told me being gay wasn't God's plan."

That encounter set off an eight-year struggle of trying to pray and renounce his way into being straight. While Calhoun noted there was real spiritual growth during that period, it came at a devastating cost.

"There was also real spiritual abuse, and I gave up a lot chasing a belonging that kept moving out of reach: school, my photography business, friends, even family," Calhoun said. "Coming out to myself turned out to be the easy part. The longer, harder work was unlearning the shame that came after, and giving myself permission to believe I was already loved, exactly as I am."

Healing did not happen overnight, nor did it happen in a vacuum. After leaving that toxic environment, Calhoun began constructing a new definition of community, starting with a faithful few who refused to give up on him. He soon discovered LGBTQ Christians living out their faith in diverse ways, showing him that true belonging does not require uniform belief.

Over the years, Calhoun expanded his network of fellowship, finding spaces like The Many to create sacred music as his whole self, and joining the wider family of the Q Christian Fellowship. Today, he resides in the East Garfield Park neighborhood on the West Side, where his deepest community is rooted.

"My deepest community is with Black queer and same-gender-loving folks across this city who are finding healing, pleasure, and each other," Calhoun said. "At some point I stopped looking for a place that would simply welcome me, and I went looking for belonging instead. There's a difference."

That distinction shaped his extensive contributions to the city. For nearly a decade, Calhoun led worship and built digital ministry at Urban Village Church, intentionally making room for LGBTQ people in faith spaces that historically hesitated to welcome them.

His visibility also extended to the streets of Chicago during Pride. Years ago, Calhoun co-led the #ImSorry and #MakeLoveLouder campaigns, standing along the parade route as church-going citizens apologizing for the institutional harm inflicted upon queer individuals.

Eventually, his vantage point shifted.

"Somewhere along the way, I moved from beside the parade to riding in it," Calhoun said. Now in his second year producing the Mind Body & Soul Health and Wellness float, he finds a unique fulfillment on the route. "There's nothing like the smiles, or the chance to show love to the whole range of people you meet along that route. After all those years on the edges, getting to roll right down the middle feels like a full-circle kind of joy."

Calhoun's advocacy spans across multiple mediums and intersections. He explored the complexities of Black queer spirituality as the co-host of Second Sunday, a two-season limited podcast series about finding, keeping, and sometimes losing faith. He also produces Toy With Me Live, a queer-centered show focusing on education around sexual health and kink.

Through his work with local organizations Project VIDA and LinkUp Chicago, Calhoun champions harm reduction strategies that prioritize both pleasure and safety. Underpinning every project is a singular, driving philosophy.

"If there's one thread running through all of it, it's this: I try to make love louder than shame," Calhoun said.

As a seasoned advocate looking toward the future, Calhoun urges younger generations to reject the pressure to conform or shrink themselves to fit into spaces that refuse to see them fully.

"You don't have to earn your belonging by having the right answers," Calhoun said. "I spent too many years believing I had to pick a side, prove myself, and shrink to be accepted. You don't. Find your faithful few, the people who love you back without conditions, and hold onto them."

For Calhoun, the intersection of faith, identity, and justice remains nonnegotiable, and he encourages others to hold their questions and their faith simultaneously.

"And please don't let anybody convince you that your joy is a distraction from the work," Calhoun said. "Your joy is the work. Your pleasure is sacred. The image of God is already in you, and that is not up for a vote."