Gay singer/songwriter Tom Goss talks about his new album

Fri. April 19, 2024 8:46 AM by Ross Forman

tom goss

photo credit // dusti cunnigham

'Songwriting is always a great way to process emotions,' says Goss

Tom Goss goes the musical route on his true-life five-year relationship with a very impressive Englishman who was not who he appeared to be.

The second single from Goss’ ninth studio album, Remember What It Feels Like, is “Not My Problem,” after Goss fell in love with a charming but criminal con man who is now in prison. Goss said he was gaslighted and manipulated into believing that it was his responsibility to help heal a man who he loved.

“When his lies were finally exposed, I realized that most of his problems were fabricated to control and take advantage of me,” said Goss, whose single and accompanying comical video is releasing on Monday, April 8 – and will be supported by concerts in San Francisco, Seattle, Palm Springs and other cities to be announced.

“Not My Problem” is available on Spotify and all digital platforms.

“It’s always great to speak to your own power and resilience,” said Goss, 42, who lives in Los Angeles. “I love writing songs that are about something real, serious even, but masking them in pop so you’re bobbing along and singing the words. It’s not until you love the song that you realize it’s about something much bigger than you realized.”

Goss receives regular letters from his ex, from his British prison. He doesn’t read them but does not throw them away. He has about 25 letters, stacked in a pile.

The two dated from 2017-2022.

Goss has not talked to him since February 2022, about a week or so after he was arrested.

Goss also wrote a screenplay about the experience.

“How could I not write about it? If you have an experience that wild, you have to write about it,” Goss said. “Songwriting is always a great way to process emotions. Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without music and songwriting. I’d certainly be less well adjusted.”

The “Not My Problem” features drag star Meatball, a contestant on The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula season 1, co-host of the podcast Sloppy Seconds and viral sensation for her drag performance of politician George Santos.

The song and video are a “Dear John” letter to his ex; one that gives Goss the liberation—and last word—that he has longed for. The video is directed and styled by Michael Serrato, who Goss worked with on videos such as “Son of a Preacher Man” and “Nerdy Bear.” It was filmed on a prison set in Los Angeles and in Goss’ Sounds Awesome Studios in Inglewood. The video stars Dean Elex Bais as the lying ex and Meatball as an overly amorous prison guard.

“Watching Meatball terrify Dean was a pure delight,” Goss said.

The video is campy and comical, yet its message is a serious one. “It’s a declaration that my ex and his lies did not and will not break me. I’m resilient and strong and I will continue to believe in people and be a positive force in the world,” Goss said.

Goss said his favorite part of the song is the chorus and he praised working with Serrato for the video.

“I knew, if I was going to make this video, Michael had to direct it. I was a bit too close to the experience, (so) any video I conceived would have been too serious and, frankly, lame. Michael knew how to turn the seriousness of the song on its head, making it fun to watch, then Meatball took it to the next level,” Goss said.

Goss is pushing two decades of music, creating a large and varied body of work (nine albums, five EPs, 40 music videos) that tracks his development as a man and as an artist. He has transformed the facts of his life—a troubled teen and college wrestler; a student studying to become a priest; touring the country as a gay singer-songwriter; falling in love and getting married; the heartbreak of infidelity and the challenges of an open marriage; and now, being conned by a lover with a secret life—into songs of range, strength, and beauty.

His songs have been featured on ABC, HBO, Disney+, and in several films. His music videos have been viewed more than 20 million times.

“Sometimes the (challenges) of the music industry overwhelm me. However, then I look back at my body of work and am so proud,” Goss said. “I’ve created so many things, records, videos, tours, collaborations, TV, movies, and so much more. I will always create, it’s who I am, I cannot stop it any more than I can stop breathing. I think that’s what I’ve learned at the end of the day. Creation brings me joy, and ultimately, I am always seeking joy. If one leads to the other, I will continue to do it.

“When I released my first record in 2006, there were very few openly queer artists, especially men with an acoustic guitar. That really has changed. I feel so honored to be alive during a time when I can see society’s progress, and the dreams I had fulfilled by the next generation.”

His latest studio album, Remember What It Feels Like, reflects on where Goss has come from and where he finds himself today: a 42-year-old living in Los Angeles who cherishes all his memories, both sweet and bitter, as essential parts of his story and identity. The album is an expansive 15-track collection of happy and light-hearted pop songs punctuated by beautiful ballads and raucous rock. Featured artists include comedian and musician Deven Green, hip hop diva Maya La Maya, wry chanteuse Anne Reburn and Goss’s longtime collaborator de ROCHE.

“Not My Problem” is a bit angstier than other tracks on the album. It acknowledges the heartache and pain Goss experienced after learning the truth about his ex’s largely fictional life, but also acknowledges that there is a day to every night, a peak to every valley. In true Goss style, the singer manages to find a bright spot in the experience. “If there’s one positive thing I have learned from my ex, it is that reality is whatever you construct it to be. If he could create a fanciful life out of nothing, any of us can,” Goss said. “It’s kind of empowering to believe that we can all dream big, take chances and risk it all.

“If choosing to live in a distorted reality helps you to keep your spirits up, that’s fine. It’s not my problem. But don’t hurt people; that’s not cool. You can create whatever reality you want without being a douchebag.”

For information on Goss’ touring schedule, go to: for dates and locations.

Goss can be found at @tomgossmusic on all social media platforms.