The Down Low

When gay marriage becomes legal, we’ll have a whole new slew of problems to deal with… the kind that we’ve been thankful all our lives that we never had to think about. Who takes whose name? Do we hyphenate? Whose name gets top billing? Who has to buy the engagement ring? And who gets to wear it? And most importantly, if we break up before the wedding do we have to give the ring back?

I started thinking about these silly things when Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck broke up. As you may recall, he gave J-Lo a custom made 6.1 carat Harry Winston pink diamond solitaire (cue Clay Aiken) ring that came with a hefty $2.5 million price tag.

Us Weekly is now reporting that Lopez has decided to return the ring in order to get closure. She calls it closure. I call it insane. But I’m sure Ben is relieved. He’ll need to hock it at the currency exchange after this weekend’s box office numbers are released and “Jersey Girl” bombs as badly as “Gigli” did. I figure that’s the least Jen can do for putting a curse on his career. Go back to Matt, Ben. The two of you had much more chemistry and made a lot more money.

Ben, however, is denying knowledge that Jen intends to return the ring. He told Larry King last week, "I expect that anything that you give somebody, you give them with the idea that it's a gift. And so I don't believe in expecting anything back."

But he can hope.

Lopez, however, spent little time shedding tears over Affleck. She’s reportedly already moved on to singer Marc Anthony. Never mind that his divorce from Dayanara Torres, with whom he has two kids, is not even official yet. Damn, girl!

Kevin Smith, the director of Affleck’s “Jersey Girl” tells one very revealing story about Michael Jackson in the new issue of Playboy magazine.

Apparently Smith was once in talks with Jacko who asked the director to helm a project that he was developing. His idea was about a man who turns into a car that gets ridden around by a boy. “Jackson was behind it, and he wanted it to be this story about a guy, played by himself, who hangs out with a little boy, and this little boy gets into the car and drives him around.”

Even more outrageous was what Jackson wanted to call the film: “Hot Rod.” Swear to God.

That story leaking out is the least of the pop star’s worries. Remember back in 1993 when Jackson was under investigation for molestation charges? Well, the young male accuser, who dropped the charges after receiving a multi-million dollar settlement, may now be called to testify at a grand jury examining similar charges currently lodged against Jackson.

Santa Barbara County District Attorney, Tom Sneddon is calling the man (he’s now 24) to give testimony to establish Jackson’s pattern of behavior with young boys.

Jackson is accused of seven counts of performing lewd or lascivious acts on a child under 14 and two counts of administering an intoxicating agent. He has pleaded not guilty and remains free on $3 million dollars bail pending trial.

Is the third time the charm for Madonna? I’m not talking husbands, I’m talking kids. London’s News of the World is reporting that the 45-year-old mother of two (7-year-old Lourdes and 3-year-old Rocco) visited a “top fertility clinic” last week in Los Angeles. The paper states Madonna spent 45 minutes in the office with specialists.

Madonna’s publicist replied to the report by saying, “Here’s my answer: None of your business.”

If the pop diva does intend to get pregnant, she’ll have to wait until after her world tour.

Dates have just been announced for Madonna’s “Reinvention” tour 2004.

It kicks off May 24 in Los Angeles and arrives in Chicago for, at this point, one night only. She’ll be playing the United Center on July 11. Tickets go on sale this Saturday, March 27. So get your phones in hand and set your automatic redial button to TicketMaster. These will go fast.

It kicks off May 24 in Los Angeles and arrives in Chicago for, at this point, one night only. She’ll be playing the United Center on July 11. Tickets go on sale this Saturday, March 27. So get your phones in hand and set your automatic redial button to TicketMaster. These will go fast.

Remakes of 60’s TV series are all the rage. Hollywood has pleased the straight population with big screen renditions of “Charlie’s Angels” and “Starsky and Hutch”. Now here’s one for us. Many of you already know “Bewitched” will soon start production with Nicole Kidman as the nose-twitching Samantha. You may also know Saturday Night Live alum, Will Ferrell will be playing her put-upon mortal husband, Darrin. But wait, it may get even better! Shirley MacLaine and Michael Caine are in negotiations to play Sam’s parents, Endora and Maurice. Now that’s some of the most inspired casting choices I’ve heard in a long time. If the two veteran actors sign on, this will be their first film together since 1966’s “Gambit”.

“Bewitched” is scheduled to begin shooting this summer.

While we’re on the subject of remakes, Nicole’s ex, Tom Cruise is slated to re-team with his “Minority Report” director, Steven Spielberg, but this one is not based on a television show.

Cruise will star in and produce a big-screen version of H.G. Wells’ classic sci-fi tale “The War of the Worlds”, the story Orson Wells immortalized with his 1938 radio broadcast that sent America into nation-wide panic when listeners thought a real alien invasion was taking place.

It will be interesting to see if the story has the same impact it did over 50 years ago. Viewers now-a-days are exposed to alien invasions daily. Just watch Maury Povich.

Until next week, have fun, be fun, make fun.
David