June 1, 2004

Hung up on Hair

BY Dave ("Care Bear")

I would like to know why gay men are so hung up on a full head of hair? I am considered very good looking at 33 years old, however, I am going bald. If I go out to the bars and wear a hat, I get hit on by the under 25 crowd. If I do not wear a hat, the only crowd I feel comfortable around is the leather crowd, and I am more of an Abercrombie & Fitch type of guy. However, women love me just the way I am. Please give me advice.

Why are gay men so hung up on a full head of hair? Short answer: because pretty much everyone else is. Maybe you’re new to America and have never heard of Rogaine or seen a Hair Club for Men informercial, but these (and many other) products exist to help men hide/reverse their hair loss, and they sure as hell weren’t invented because of the supposedly excessive judging that goes on in the gay community. As for the women you mention who love you the way you are (Mom and sis? Your best straight gal pals?), I’d bet good money you’re not talking about women you’re trying to screw, and so it’s not really accurate to compare them to the men you’re hoping to get naked. The fact is our society is youth obsessed, and one of the many signifiers of youth is a full, thick head of hair. Thanks to the luck of the genetic draw, some people (yours truly, for example) will always have a luxurious head of hair while others start losing theirs right out of high school. It’s definitely unfair, but so is everything else in life so it’s best to just accept it and move on to how you can work with/around it. Since you’re not inclined to embrace the leather daddy within, you’ve got three options.

Option one: Always wear a hat. It seems to be working for you, and hats—baseball caps, at least—are still very popular fashion accessories. When it comes time for the clothes to come off, tell that under-25 guy you’ve dragged home that you’ve got a jock/coach/athlete fetish and the cap is staying on. Throw in a little sports-related sex talk, and I’m guessing he won’t mind in the least. Just make sure that cap fits nice and snug, and watch where you stick your face/head.

Option two: Check out some of the aforementioned baldness cures/cover-ups. Nothing that currently exists is 100% successful (or convincing in the case of non-medical treatment), but for all you know, you’re one of the lucky few who responds well to Rogaine or Propecia or has the kind of baldness that’s easily fixed with some hair transplants. And if not that, there’s always a “hair system” of some sort. The infomercials say no one can tell the difference, and really, why would they lie? Option three: Get over it. You wrote, “If I do not wear a hat, the only crowd I feel comfortable around is the leather crowd.” That’s just you putting limitations on yourself. While I’m sure just about any bar you go to will be full of guys who will write you off just because of your baldness, I’m equally as sure that there will be many guys who will either not care or even find it sexy (I sure do.) However, no one is going to believe you’re a hot property if you don’t believe it yourself, and based on the little you’ve written, I’m pretty sure you don’t whenever that hat of yours comes off. The minute you start to believe that a balding guy can be a damn sexy guy, others will believe it as well, and you’ll notice a difference in the reception you get when you head out on the town. Whichever option you decide to pursue, good luck.

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