clockwise from bottom left: cole, mark, erik and parker
photo credit // erik sosa-kirby
Chicago, IL -
They first met at Starbucks in Lakeview after chatting on Gay.com. Then it was a pizza date for Erik Sosa and Mark Kibby, followed by dinner at Rise Restaurant—enduring an hour wait before chowing on sushi. While waiting for their table at Rise, they talked about everything, from values to background to upbringing. "It was very clear that we had extremely similar values," Kibby ( now Mark Sosa-Kibby ) said.
Sosa ( now Erik Sosa-Kibby ) added: "Both of us knew that we wanted a family. How we were going to get that family, being gay, we didn't know."
The Sosa-Kibby family fathers Mark and Erik, as well as sons Cole and Parker.
Well those dates eight years ago weren't just idle chats. They started dating immediately, moved in together six months later and, a year or so later, Mark developed a five-year plan for the pair. They planned their professional goals and housing plans, but nothing about kids or a family.
In the fall of 2005, the two started thinking seriously about starting a family and talked to some of their Chicago-area gay neighbors who had adopted and started families. By Christmas 2005, their future plans were presented to Kibby's family and, with their blessing, they moved forward with their family goals.
In January 2006, the two started the paperwork to adopt—and actually were approved to adopt up to eight kids, based on their combined income and education level.
"We told the [ adoption ] agency that, if we were referred twins, we would take them," Mark said.
Fast-forward to May 30, 2006 … Sosa and Kibby were given their referral.
"We were offered two boys who came in [ to the agency ] on the same day and [ yet ] were born 13 days apart," Mark said.
The two were given limited statistics children—who happened to be from Guatemala—but no pictures, which is an agency policy. Pictures are not given until adoptees agree to take the specific child, or children, offered by the agency, "because they know, emotionally, you will get too attached," Mark said.
They were told that one of the children had a slight heart murmur, but the couple didn't hesitate at all.
"We were like, if these are the two boys that we were meant to have, then these are the two boys that we are going to take," Erik said.
The family of four was officially formed in October 2006 … and the gay couple combined their last names to become the Sosa-Kibbys.
"If you're adopting internationally, you can only adopt as a single male. So, Mark was the one who ‘adopted these children,'" Erik said. "For the [ adoption ] process, Mark is [ listed as ] a ‘Heterosexual male who, at some point in his life, is very interested in marriage.'"
Erik, 33, is the stay-at-home dad who works as an abstract artist. He was born in Mexico City, immigrated with his family to the United States in 1980, graduated from North Shore Country Day School in Winnetka in 1993 and then the College of Wooster in 1997.
Mark, 34, is a technical management consultant. He graduated from Marion ( Mich. ) High School in 1992 and the University of Michigan in 1996.
The sons—Cole and Parker—are the pride and joy of the proud fathers.
"It's indescribable, the feeling you have when your son tells you that he loves you, and that he looks up to you," Erik said. "As a gay man, you're not really supposed to have that experience because you're not really supposed to have kids. But we're here to change that stereotype. I think all gay men should at least contemplate the idea of wanting kids or being able to have kids if they want them."
Mark added, "The kids have impacted every aspect of our lives."
The four now live in Kenosha, Wis., having moved north of the Illinois border Jan. 25—Erik's birthday.
"When I look at my life in retrospect as a gay male, I think part of my downfall growing up was that I didn't have the self-confidence to be [ proud that I am ] gay, that I was going to be who I am regardless of what others think. But I've learned from that," Erik said. "I now am not going to be the gay parent who is the victim; I'm going to be a strong person.
"We have had no problems here [ in Kenosha ] ; the people have been very, very tolerant, and they should get more credit than they're given because they really are tolerant. We have not come across the heterosexism that you would think that one would have."
Mark added, "We know that the boys are going to bear the burden, the brunt of this [ unique family ] . So we're going to have to do the best we can with our parenting skills to help them, to help them with their self-confidence, so they know who they are and that, yes, we are a family, just a little different from other families."
They are teaching the youngsters English and Spanish, with Spanish being their primary language.
Cole, who had the heart murmur, is 100 percent fine, they said. And though Cole was sicker than Parker when they came to Chicago—and also the one who was crying more often—he is now the football-like player of the two, and seems truly fearless. Cole is slightly bigger than Parker and will run through a brick wall without hesitation, Mark said. Cole is fearless, energetic and upbeat—a ball of life and energy all of the time. He's been nicknamed The Bulldozer.
Parker is the intellectual, reflective, considerate son, the one who wants to understand everything first before he does anything.
"When we first brought Cole and Parker home, they would call me, ‘Momma,' and it pissed me off, and I just kept telling them, ‘No; I'm your papa.' Now, they call me papa or Ma-Pa," Erik said. "It's just amazing to know that they're ours."
The terrible twos for Cole and Parker now have the pair running around freely and trying to say news words all the time.
"Right now, this whole [ family thing ] is still so new to us that there's a lot of reflection," Erik said. "We're no longer taking care of kids and just moving them around; now we're actually starting to deal with personalities. It really is a fun time.
"I'm coming up on my 15-year high school reunion and a lot of people who I went to high school with are now starting to have kids. And I'm just so glad that I haven't missed out on what my classmates [ also ] are doing. I always felt isolated growing up being a gay man and, thus, thought I'd never have a lifestyle like everyone else.
"But actually, I'm now having the same lifestyle as the kids I went to high school with. So, for me, I don't think things could be any better."
Actually, family life couldn't be any better for this fantastic foursome.
Written by: Ross Forman
Article provided in partnership with Windy City Media Group.
Sosa ( now Erik Sosa-Kibby ) added: "Both of us knew that we wanted a family. How we were going to get that family, being gay, we didn't know."
The Sosa-Kibby family fathers Mark and Erik, as well as sons Cole and Parker.
Well those dates eight years ago weren't just idle chats. They started dating immediately, moved in together six months later and, a year or so later, Mark developed a five-year plan for the pair. They planned their professional goals and housing plans, but nothing about kids or a family.
In the fall of 2005, the two started thinking seriously about starting a family and talked to some of their Chicago-area gay neighbors who had adopted and started families. By Christmas 2005, their future plans were presented to Kibby's family and, with their blessing, they moved forward with their family goals.
In January 2006, the two started the paperwork to adopt—and actually were approved to adopt up to eight kids, based on their combined income and education level.
"We told the [ adoption ] agency that, if we were referred twins, we would take them," Mark said.
Fast-forward to May 30, 2006 … Sosa and Kibby were given their referral.
"We were offered two boys who came in [ to the agency ] on the same day and [ yet ] were born 13 days apart," Mark said.
The two were given limited statistics children—who happened to be from Guatemala—but no pictures, which is an agency policy. Pictures are not given until adoptees agree to take the specific child, or children, offered by the agency, "because they know, emotionally, you will get too attached," Mark said.
They were told that one of the children had a slight heart murmur, but the couple didn't hesitate at all.
"We were like, if these are the two boys that we were meant to have, then these are the two boys that we are going to take," Erik said.
The family of four was officially formed in October 2006 … and the gay couple combined their last names to become the Sosa-Kibbys.
"If you're adopting internationally, you can only adopt as a single male. So, Mark was the one who ‘adopted these children,'" Erik said. "For the [ adoption ] process, Mark is [ listed as ] a ‘Heterosexual male who, at some point in his life, is very interested in marriage.'"
Erik, 33, is the stay-at-home dad who works as an abstract artist. He was born in Mexico City, immigrated with his family to the United States in 1980, graduated from North Shore Country Day School in Winnetka in 1993 and then the College of Wooster in 1997.
Mark, 34, is a technical management consultant. He graduated from Marion ( Mich. ) High School in 1992 and the University of Michigan in 1996.
The sons—Cole and Parker—are the pride and joy of the proud fathers.
"It's indescribable, the feeling you have when your son tells you that he loves you, and that he looks up to you," Erik said. "As a gay man, you're not really supposed to have that experience because you're not really supposed to have kids. But we're here to change that stereotype. I think all gay men should at least contemplate the idea of wanting kids or being able to have kids if they want them."
Mark added, "The kids have impacted every aspect of our lives."
The four now live in Kenosha, Wis., having moved north of the Illinois border Jan. 25—Erik's birthday.
"When I look at my life in retrospect as a gay male, I think part of my downfall growing up was that I didn't have the self-confidence to be [ proud that I am ] gay, that I was going to be who I am regardless of what others think. But I've learned from that," Erik said. "I now am not going to be the gay parent who is the victim; I'm going to be a strong person.
"We have had no problems here [ in Kenosha ] ; the people have been very, very tolerant, and they should get more credit than they're given because they really are tolerant. We have not come across the heterosexism that you would think that one would have."
Mark added, "We know that the boys are going to bear the burden, the brunt of this [ unique family ] . So we're going to have to do the best we can with our parenting skills to help them, to help them with their self-confidence, so they know who they are and that, yes, we are a family, just a little different from other families."
They are teaching the youngsters English and Spanish, with Spanish being their primary language.
Cole, who had the heart murmur, is 100 percent fine, they said. And though Cole was sicker than Parker when they came to Chicago—and also the one who was crying more often—he is now the football-like player of the two, and seems truly fearless. Cole is slightly bigger than Parker and will run through a brick wall without hesitation, Mark said. Cole is fearless, energetic and upbeat—a ball of life and energy all of the time. He's been nicknamed The Bulldozer.
Parker is the intellectual, reflective, considerate son, the one who wants to understand everything first before he does anything.
"When we first brought Cole and Parker home, they would call me, ‘Momma,' and it pissed me off, and I just kept telling them, ‘No; I'm your papa.' Now, they call me papa or Ma-Pa," Erik said. "It's just amazing to know that they're ours."
The terrible twos for Cole and Parker now have the pair running around freely and trying to say news words all the time.
"Right now, this whole [ family thing ] is still so new to us that there's a lot of reflection," Erik said. "We're no longer taking care of kids and just moving them around; now we're actually starting to deal with personalities. It really is a fun time.
"I'm coming up on my 15-year high school reunion and a lot of people who I went to high school with are now starting to have kids. And I'm just so glad that I haven't missed out on what my classmates [ also ] are doing. I always felt isolated growing up being a gay man and, thus, thought I'd never have a lifestyle like everyone else.
"But actually, I'm now having the same lifestyle as the kids I went to high school with. So, for me, I don't think things could be any better."
Actually, family life couldn't be any better for this fantastic foursome.
Written by: Ross Forman
Article provided in partnership with Windy City Media Group.
