From surviving high school bullying to campus leadership, Daniel Phuong shares his journey
Thu. November 12, 2026 3:35 AM by GoPride.com News Staff
photo credit // daniel phuong
Give Them Their Flowers is a series by Michael Oboza featuring mini profiles of regular people in the LGBTQ community
CHICAGO, ILL. -
By Michael Oboza, Special to GoPride.com
During my last year as a volunteer photojournalist, I am grateful to have had the space to help give people in our community their flowers. I am grateful to help acknowledge a changemaker.
Thank you, Daniel Phuong, for your time, legacy and wisdom.
Some knew since kindergarten
"From as early as kindergarten, I knew I was different, but I didn't know exactly why. I remember there was this blond, blue-eyed kid in my class named Neil, and I was mesmerized by him. I don't know if it was because, in comparison to me being Asian with dark eyes, hair and skin, he looked angelic to me, or if there was something deeper than that. I didn't think anything of it because I don't think I had the intellect to discern.
"In fourth grade, there was this Asian guy, Peter Le, who was absolutely hypnotic to me, and that was when I had this urge to hold his hand and kiss him. This thought was very confusing to me, and I never shared it with anyone. In seventh grade, there was a girl named Joy who took a liking to me. She asked me to be her boyfriend, and I agreed just to be 'cool.' We held hands in the hallway and everyone would say, 'Daniel jumps for Joy.' But deep down, I was wanting to jump Klayton, a dirty-blond, hazel-eyed boy. These intense attractions for boys became more prevalent, and I was so scared of people finding out my thoughts since I thought I was the only one feeling what I was feeling.
"Throughout junior high and high school, I was constantly taunted and bullied, and it got worse in high school. I started getting called fag, faggot and even cocksucker. My best friend in high school even unfriended me since he didn't want others to call him that same thing for associating with me. It was a lonely and dark time. I was a complete loner. And I tried to do everything to erase my thoughts, including looking at photos of women and trying to convince myself that I was attracted to them.
"Never worked.
"I recall going to a public library and looking for a book that might have explained things for me. I came upon a book called 'What's Happening to My Body?' by Lynda Madaras, and she explained same-sex attraction. I wrote her a letter, and she wrote me back.
"For the first time, I had someone who I could talk to and wasn't afraid to share my thoughts with. And I thought gays were only in New York and San Francisco, and I remember saying, 'I have to go there and live.'
"In college, taking a sociology class, my teaching assistant shared that he was an openly gay male, and I don't recall why. I was like, 'Wow, he's like me? There's one other person?' I reached out to him privately. He was super attractive, and I felt like he could be my first kiss to see if what I was feeling was real. He was super cute. He told me, 'I can't have private meetings with you since I'm attracted to you, but as your teaching assistant, I can't!' So he kept quite a distance from me. He told me there was a GLBT association that I should investigate. That association was upstairs in the student union on the opposite side of the Asian student association, where I was a very prominent figure. I recall going upstairs to 'use the bathroom' just to get a glimpse of the space. It had curtains for privacy, and I wanted to go inside so bad but was afraid that someone would catch me.
"I lived in this horrific state for almost a year, and finally one night I darted in. Shortly after that, I went to my first gay pride, where a man asked me for my phone number. I was excited but scared at the same time. He called me for weeks, but I never picked up the phone. Finally, I picked it up and he asked if he could take me to dinner to get to know me. I agreed. He courted me for six months after that before we had our first kiss, and it was like the Fourth of July.
"My body just zinged, but immediately I also washed my mouth with Listerine and a salt rinse because I thought I was preventing myself from getting AIDS.
"Eventually we became intimate, and while it felt good, there was an internal battle of shame, guilt and disgust at the same time.
"I lived a double life for quite some time before I finally came out. I lost friends and got kicked out of the house. It was dark times, and I honestly don't know how I survived it. I wouldn't do it again and wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but at the same time, I wouldn't go back and erase it because, of course, it has shaped me to be who I am today."
Being all of oneself is more than another article
"It's a mixture of relief, but also very isolating at the same time. As mentioned, I lost friends and got kicked out of the house. In one sense I was free, but shame and disgust were still prevalent, so I would convince myself that I was bisexual. It took really a full year before I was okay with myself, and once I was, my life opened up in ways I couldn't imagine.
"I gained new friends, I got reconnected with my family and I even became the president of the GLBT organization and staged a National Coming Out Day event on the campus whereby I had a pink door and the university's mascot present, and people were coming out of the closet literally through that pink door. I was, of course, featured on the campus newsletter.
"Me. Right on the front page. As a full-grown adult, I rock my skin and I'm super proud of being a gay male. I don't hide it, but it's also not all of me.
"It's a feature of me, because I'm so much more than gay. I find it fascinating how I can relate to women and men at the same time. And being a gay male has so many advantages with women. I've been invited to events that are for women only, but they wanted my presence there because I wasn't a threat.
"I've also helped many men come out to themselves and their family, and that's something I'm very proud of."
Being one's own flowers is from lived experience and years of wisdom
"You are born whole, perfect, complete and magical. Go rock the skin you are in so you can rock the world that you live in. And remember that being gay isn't all of who you are; it's just one aspect of you.
"You are so much more.
"For gay men especially, I want them to know that they are worthy, deserving and capable of anything they desire, and let's go represent our community in a great light.
"Yes to gay pride. Yes to sexuality and sexual liberation. But there's a time and a place for it all. You can be loud, but loud doesn't mean you have to be crass and lewd."
During my last year as a volunteer photojournalist, I am grateful to have had the space to help give people in our community their flowers. I am grateful to help acknowledge a changemaker.
Thank you, Daniel Phuong, for your time, legacy and wisdom.
Some knew since kindergarten
"From as early as kindergarten, I knew I was different, but I didn't know exactly why. I remember there was this blond, blue-eyed kid in my class named Neil, and I was mesmerized by him. I don't know if it was because, in comparison to me being Asian with dark eyes, hair and skin, he looked angelic to me, or if there was something deeper than that. I didn't think anything of it because I don't think I had the intellect to discern.
"In fourth grade, there was this Asian guy, Peter Le, who was absolutely hypnotic to me, and that was when I had this urge to hold his hand and kiss him. This thought was very confusing to me, and I never shared it with anyone. In seventh grade, there was a girl named Joy who took a liking to me. She asked me to be her boyfriend, and I agreed just to be 'cool.' We held hands in the hallway and everyone would say, 'Daniel jumps for Joy.' But deep down, I was wanting to jump Klayton, a dirty-blond, hazel-eyed boy. These intense attractions for boys became more prevalent, and I was so scared of people finding out my thoughts since I thought I was the only one feeling what I was feeling.
"Throughout junior high and high school, I was constantly taunted and bullied, and it got worse in high school. I started getting called fag, faggot and even cocksucker. My best friend in high school even unfriended me since he didn't want others to call him that same thing for associating with me. It was a lonely and dark time. I was a complete loner. And I tried to do everything to erase my thoughts, including looking at photos of women and trying to convince myself that I was attracted to them.
"Never worked.
"I recall going to a public library and looking for a book that might have explained things for me. I came upon a book called 'What's Happening to My Body?' by Lynda Madaras, and she explained same-sex attraction. I wrote her a letter, and she wrote me back.
"For the first time, I had someone who I could talk to and wasn't afraid to share my thoughts with. And I thought gays were only in New York and San Francisco, and I remember saying, 'I have to go there and live.'
"In college, taking a sociology class, my teaching assistant shared that he was an openly gay male, and I don't recall why. I was like, 'Wow, he's like me? There's one other person?' I reached out to him privately. He was super attractive, and I felt like he could be my first kiss to see if what I was feeling was real. He was super cute. He told me, 'I can't have private meetings with you since I'm attracted to you, but as your teaching assistant, I can't!' So he kept quite a distance from me. He told me there was a GLBT association that I should investigate. That association was upstairs in the student union on the opposite side of the Asian student association, where I was a very prominent figure. I recall going upstairs to 'use the bathroom' just to get a glimpse of the space. It had curtains for privacy, and I wanted to go inside so bad but was afraid that someone would catch me.
"I lived in this horrific state for almost a year, and finally one night I darted in. Shortly after that, I went to my first gay pride, where a man asked me for my phone number. I was excited but scared at the same time. He called me for weeks, but I never picked up the phone. Finally, I picked it up and he asked if he could take me to dinner to get to know me. I agreed. He courted me for six months after that before we had our first kiss, and it was like the Fourth of July.
"My body just zinged, but immediately I also washed my mouth with Listerine and a salt rinse because I thought I was preventing myself from getting AIDS.
"Eventually we became intimate, and while it felt good, there was an internal battle of shame, guilt and disgust at the same time.
"I lived a double life for quite some time before I finally came out. I lost friends and got kicked out of the house. It was dark times, and I honestly don't know how I survived it. I wouldn't do it again and wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but at the same time, I wouldn't go back and erase it because, of course, it has shaped me to be who I am today."
Being all of oneself is more than another article
"It's a mixture of relief, but also very isolating at the same time. As mentioned, I lost friends and got kicked out of the house. In one sense I was free, but shame and disgust were still prevalent, so I would convince myself that I was bisexual. It took really a full year before I was okay with myself, and once I was, my life opened up in ways I couldn't imagine.
"I gained new friends, I got reconnected with my family and I even became the president of the GLBT organization and staged a National Coming Out Day event on the campus whereby I had a pink door and the university's mascot present, and people were coming out of the closet literally through that pink door. I was, of course, featured on the campus newsletter.
"Me. Right on the front page. As a full-grown adult, I rock my skin and I'm super proud of being a gay male. I don't hide it, but it's also not all of me.
"It's a feature of me, because I'm so much more than gay. I find it fascinating how I can relate to women and men at the same time. And being a gay male has so many advantages with women. I've been invited to events that are for women only, but they wanted my presence there because I wasn't a threat.
"I've also helped many men come out to themselves and their family, and that's something I'm very proud of."
Being one's own flowers is from lived experience and years of wisdom
"You are born whole, perfect, complete and magical. Go rock the skin you are in so you can rock the world that you live in. And remember that being gay isn't all of who you are; it's just one aspect of you.
"You are so much more.
"For gay men especially, I want them to know that they are worthy, deserving and capable of anything they desire, and let's go represent our community in a great light.
"Yes to gay pride. Yes to sexuality and sexual liberation. But there's a time and a place for it all. You can be loud, but loud doesn't mean you have to be crass and lewd."