I am a 54 y.o. gay man who takes care of his mother at home. Mom does not any hanky panky in the house, even though she is just a little 89 year old lady with arthritis. I have toyed with the idea of sneaking someone in while she is asleep, but she pretty much dominates the mood in the house, it's a small co-op, and I forget about that idea. I am pretty much in it for the long haul in taking care of mom, but in the meantime I am becoming celibate. I haven't had a man in 2 years! And when I leave the house, I really only have 3 or 4 hours at the most to do whatever shopping and stuff I need to do, and then I have to get home to take care of her. I love her, but I also feel like I am waiting for her death so that I can have a social life or a boyfriend. Can you offer me a few suggestions or just one good one?
Mark
Mark, my mother is 92 so I understand you wanting to be there for her but I would also tend to think she would want you to be happy. I would look for a balance. Your happiness will fill you up and the more full you are, the more you will have to offer your mom in this very sensitive time in your lives. Being a care taker should not mean that you give up your life. It is not fair to either of you. When your mother was in her prime she probably lived her life to the fullest and you deserve that same joy. Are there are other siblings or family members that could give you some time off or even a senior center that could offer planned activities? You might find that she would enjoy the comradely of other seniors. My mom certainly does.
By submitting a letter to this website, you grant the GoPride Network permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications.
Your name and email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a question will be responded to.
GoPride Network advice columnists offer their opinions on a variety of subjects. They are expressing personal and professional opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.
GoPride Network and its advice columnists are not responsible for the outcome or results of following their advice in any given situation. You are completely responsible for your actions and GoPride and its contributors accepts no liability for any situation in your life past, present or future. GoPride reserve the right to edit letters for length and clarity.