Dear Princess Darby,
I found out today that my girlfriend of 2 years has been talking to a girl online. She met her on this site. I don't care if she talks to other people. But the thing is, she told this girl that she's not dating anyone and that she broke up with me.
She tells complete strangers online and in person that she's single. We've been having problems for a while but it's nothing unusual. Just the basic stuff that couples have problems with. Not spending enough time together, not being able to go out on dates cause of money. Just the usual problems.
But this whole "I just broke up with my girlfriend so I'm totally single and available" thing has me worried a little bit. I don't want to tell her that I know what she said to the girl in the email she sent her, but I don't know what to do. I need some advice if you can help.
Lost and confussed
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Dear Lost and Confused,
Getting two timed on the internet? Or, are you two timing her by her trust that you would invade her privacY? I don't think you are the one that is "Lost and Confused". Is it possible tht you both are "confused" on the definitions of trust and loyalty?
How did you find out that she is saying this on the internet, and with other people you do not know? Were you spying? Found her pass words? There's more here than "small" problems.
In a relationship, there is no such thing as a "small" problem. "Stuff", can create major hurdles in any partnership. Most couples argue over money, time, and attention. Does this sound familiar?
If your girlfriend is searching for more than general chats on the internet, and you are tracking this down, then you have your signals that your relationship has more than a few "small" problems.
Cyberspace can be a panacea for selfesteem, heartbreak, or quick romance. It also can be a tool to strike out in anger, reach for fantasy, feed one's ego, or in this instance, cheat without doing it physically...yet anyway.
In any case, if your girlfriend has stated repeatedly that she is "single and free", she may menatally and emotionally feel this. My question to you is: how are you going to work this out with her without confronting her with this? You'd have to tell her know that you know, and how you found out. Getting tricky, isn't it?
Take a look at the larger picture. Life has too much to offer, and the world has a lot of people in it. How much does this situation play into it? Sometimes nothing is forever. And, sometimes things like this is nothing. If you don't like the picture, move on.
Sounds harsh, but after two years, there's got to be a better picture than this in your frame of life. You decide, or decide together. It's up to you.
Princess Darby
P.S. Dear Readers, I will be on holiday and will resume my column September 1, 2004. Enjoy the balance of the summer!
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