Dear Princess Darby,
I have been with my girlfriend on and off for a year and a half.
We just signed a lease to move into an apartment together in a few weeks. The problem is, sometimes I almost KNOW it isn't going to work out.
I want it to, but I just have this feeling. I guess what I'm asking is, do you have to feel GREAT in your relationship 24/7 in order for it to work out? How do you know when its time to break it off?
Whenever we do break up, or come close..I can't stand the thought of being without her or someone else touching her at all. We always get back together. I dont know...can you help me please?
Sincerely,
Completely Lost...
Saturday July 31, 2004
Dear Completely Lost,
I don't think you are "lost". You have identified your feelings and challenges in your relationship. What I don't understand is, why did you sign this lease since you realize that there are problems in your relationship?
First, it takes a mature understanding what a healthy relationship is and how it works. This understanding doesn't mean we actually live up to it. But, it is a solid basis for any partnership. It lays down the groundwork.
Second, if you know from the start that signing any legal document with another in any contract is binding, why sign it when you have doubts?
Lastly, what is the true issue here? Love, jealousy, commitment, possession? You have to decide.
Think about your past relationships and what you actually want out of it for yourself, and your partner.
And, no. One doesn't have to be in love and happy 24/7. There are natural challenges in any relationship. It is through our trials and doubts that we build relationships, and come to terms through airing out our differences.
Reread your letter aloud to yourself, and I think you will hear your answer in your head, then, your heart. You've signed a lease to the apartment, don't lose the lease to your life.
Princess Darby
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