Coming out. That used to be one of the most wonderful phrases a young girl could hear. It meant a wonderful white gown, lavish parties, admirers and a signal of coming of age. Well, my coming out signaled my coming of age too. It signaled that I was no longer afraid to be who I am, to make the choices in my life that most pertained to me. It was no longer about who was I marrying, just who was I divorcing. No longer afraid of what my family would think, or the ostracizing that I would suffer at their hands. To me it was becoming a woman, the woman I always was on the inside.
This also means that those closest to you, are seeing you for the first time as well. Before, they saw all the facets of your personality that made you who you were. Now all they see is that you’re a lesbian. That one little word changes their view of you by adding a world of definitions they have in their minds. Not to mention the betrayal. I betrayed all of them, family and friends because I never let them know how I truly felt. To your parents you are no longer the daughter they raised, you are a stranger that has lived the majority of your life in their household. They go through a grieving process of losing the child they knew and raised, to the process of trying to adjust to this adult they suddenly don’t know. My mother’s way of dealing with it, is not to. She only knows that she raised me in a Christian home and that those values say it is an abomination to God. So, how could I possible expect her to even want to be condoning of this? It could not have been me that did this thing, it has to be “that woman” I am with.
My friends have reacted in different ways as well. One friend that was my total temptation, tells me she wishes that I had come clean. At least she would have been given a choice to be in a relationship with me. She hadn’t examined her love for me before, but since I have come out, she has analyzed every single moment of our lives. Most of them were not surprised. It seems I had given myself away when I had met my partner. She was all I could talk about and my friends recognized it for what it was. I was in love. They embrace my partner and myself as a couple and go on as if nothing had changed. The majority have been very supportive and understanding and for them I thank God.
The other major thing that stands out in my mind was the religious aspect. Well, I have to tell you that, after being told by my ex-husband a million times that I was going to hell, I decided that there had to be more on the Bible’s position somewhere. Not to mention my Christian up bringing was clamoring for information. I began searching book sites on the internet to see if there was anything that just might be what I was looking for. First I found, "What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality" by Daniel A. Helminiak. Although the book was good, to me it was chicken broth, as far as my Christian diet went. Surely there had to be more of the "why" somewhere. Not just one little blurb about inhospitality and not homosexuality. I then read the book “The New Testament and Homosexuality” by Robin Scroggs. This book went a long way to not only tell me God is okay with how He made me, but to show me. The Bible has totally been mistranslated according to Mr. Scroggs and his team of theologians. Mr. Scroggs and his team go to great lengths to provide fact basis for this argument. Best of all, this man is a heterosexual professor of the New Testament at a seminary school, the better to point out to the fundamentalist, heterosexual Christians. What a glorious thing!!!! Not only was I set free with truth, I also had a shield of truth for the judges. This book was so awesome that I bought a copy for my wounded mother. At the time of this writing, my mother talks to me when I call her. She still comes and visits the kids when they are at the ex’s and doesn’t tell me she is in town. The next time she comes, she wants to go for coffee, but do not bring "that woman." "That woman," tells me I should go and not to be so forceful on the issue, after all it is my mom. Whatever happens, the most important thing has happened to me. I am free of the guilt that everyone has heaped on me. My God and I have a closer relationship, after all, He did make me, so He understands me. Yeah, I have to say; all is definitely right in the world.
This also means that those closest to you, are seeing you for the first time as well. Before, they saw all the facets of your personality that made you who you were. Now all they see is that you’re a lesbian. That one little word changes their view of you by adding a world of definitions they have in their minds. Not to mention the betrayal. I betrayed all of them, family and friends because I never let them know how I truly felt. To your parents you are no longer the daughter they raised, you are a stranger that has lived the majority of your life in their household. They go through a grieving process of losing the child they knew and raised, to the process of trying to adjust to this adult they suddenly don’t know. My mother’s way of dealing with it, is not to. She only knows that she raised me in a Christian home and that those values say it is an abomination to God. So, how could I possible expect her to even want to be condoning of this? It could not have been me that did this thing, it has to be “that woman” I am with.
My friends have reacted in different ways as well. One friend that was my total temptation, tells me she wishes that I had come clean. At least she would have been given a choice to be in a relationship with me. She hadn’t examined her love for me before, but since I have come out, she has analyzed every single moment of our lives. Most of them were not surprised. It seems I had given myself away when I had met my partner. She was all I could talk about and my friends recognized it for what it was. I was in love. They embrace my partner and myself as a couple and go on as if nothing had changed. The majority have been very supportive and understanding and for them I thank God.
The other major thing that stands out in my mind was the religious aspect. Well, I have to tell you that, after being told by my ex-husband a million times that I was going to hell, I decided that there had to be more on the Bible’s position somewhere. Not to mention my Christian up bringing was clamoring for information. I began searching book sites on the internet to see if there was anything that just might be what I was looking for. First I found, "What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality" by Daniel A. Helminiak. Although the book was good, to me it was chicken broth, as far as my Christian diet went. Surely there had to be more of the "why" somewhere. Not just one little blurb about inhospitality and not homosexuality. I then read the book “The New Testament and Homosexuality” by Robin Scroggs. This book went a long way to not only tell me God is okay with how He made me, but to show me. The Bible has totally been mistranslated according to Mr. Scroggs and his team of theologians. Mr. Scroggs and his team go to great lengths to provide fact basis for this argument. Best of all, this man is a heterosexual professor of the New Testament at a seminary school, the better to point out to the fundamentalist, heterosexual Christians. What a glorious thing!!!! Not only was I set free with truth, I also had a shield of truth for the judges. This book was so awesome that I bought a copy for my wounded mother. At the time of this writing, my mother talks to me when I call her. She still comes and visits the kids when they are at the ex’s and doesn’t tell me she is in town. The next time she comes, she wants to go for coffee, but do not bring "that woman." "That woman," tells me I should go and not to be so forceful on the issue, after all it is my mom. Whatever happens, the most important thing has happened to me. I am free of the guilt that everyone has heaped on me. My God and I have a closer relationship, after all, He did make me, so He understands me. Yeah, I have to say; all is definitely right in the world.
