Sister Maria Spanakopita: From secret relationships to secular nun, a queer joy journey

CHICAGO, ILL. - By Michael Oboza, Special to GoPride.com

During my final year as a volunteer photojournalist, I made it my intention to recognize everyday legends across our LGBTQ community. I'm grateful to help acknowledge a genuine heart of gold.

Thank you to Sister Maria Spanakopita of The Second City Sisters Abbey of the Irreverent Bean, a Mission House of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, for your time, legacy and commitment to sharing universal joy.

Some effects of not being able to come out are lifelong.

"I didn’t feel I could express myself fully before coming out. Societal expectations, religious miseducation and fear had kept me from being my true me," Sister Maria Spanakopita said.

"My parents and I never really discussed sexuality, but they were sympathetic toward the LGBTQ community and very open-minded. My mother was enamored by drag performers and their craft. My father taught me to treat everyone with respect. I know deep down my parents would have supported me, but unfortunately, they passed away before I had the courage to come out.

"Growing up attending Christian private schools, I was taught homosexuality was the top of all mortal sins and was afraid to pursue and act on any desire until my early 20s.

"I focused on school, work and other hobbies, stating I was too busy to find that 'special someone' to those who asked. I did have some long-term secret relationships, but they all ended with the phrase, 'You need to come out!'

"The fear of keeping my gay life secret took a huge toll on my mental health and led me to make decisions that were deadly for my physical health. I am forever grateful for my closest friends who saved me from myself and put me in a good place."

Afterward came an exhale.

"I came out close to my 40th birthday, first to my nearest friends and then to immediate family. The support was unbelievable. My best friend on the East Coast wanted to bake me a rainbow cake. My bestie from high school said, 'Finally! We can talk about boys together!' After telling my childhood babysitter, she smiled and said, 'Well, it’s about damn time.'

"Everyone else in my life found out in the winter of 2023 because my Christmas cards that year were all pictures of Tom and me. It was a huge burden lifted off my shoulders to live in the open, to say the least. I felt I could live genuinely in every facet of my life.

"I was surprised how supportive everyone was to me, even those family members who are pretty conservative. I have heard many stories that are not comparable to mine and am truly grateful for my experience.

"In Easter of 2024, my priest, since retired from my church, called me after hearing word from some congregation members to wish me a happy Easter.

"With the phone on speaker and my partner next to me, he said, 'I am so happy you found someone! Wonderful! Congratulations!' Currently, I still consider myself a member of the Eastern Orthodox Church, but I focus solely on the messages of Jesus Christ: feed the poor, welcome the stranger and love one another as yourself.

"What has helped me come to terms with being gay and a Christian is to look at the lives of some queer saints and biblical figures: Sergius and Bacchus, Jonathan and David, Boris and George the Hungarian, and Francis of Assisi in drag.

"Since coming out, I’ve seen people from different parts of my life coming to me as a safe space. A dear friend who is my age saw me and had the courage to tell me his sexuality. He now has someone else to compare experiences with. An employee approached me stating their sexual identity, saying they felt comfortable being themselves in front of me. It can be difficult to do these things, and I feel honored individuals feel safe with me."

After coming out, some find purpose.

"I first heard about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence watching documentaries on how gay men supported and gave back to their community. One in particular mentioned the original San Francisco house in the late '70s and early '80s.

"I saw these men wearing striking white makeup and habits, protesting against nuclear testing, having an exorcism for the pope and promoting safer sex at the start of the AIDS epidemic with their Playfair pamphlet.

"The genuine love and compassion for their community and the city as a whole touched me.

"From there, I saw that it was an international group with houses all over the world doing the same things, but looking a little different. It was theatrical and philanthropic simultaneously, and I said, 'This is for me!'

"I have supported other facets in my life, but never for the queer community and my chosen family. I know there are many organizations I could have joined, but the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence appealed to me the most. It’s the vows, the love of our community and our mission to 'expiate stigmatic guilt and promulgate universal joy.'

"At Pride Fest 2024, I ran into a sister from the newly formed Chicago house. This was even before we received our mission status, and the rest is history. I have been an active member ever since."

Advice from a secular nun and drag artist is a blessing of wisdom.

"Life is too damn short to not be you. Embrace yourself. Your mental health is as important, if not more important, than your physical health. If your true friends abandon you, they were never your true friends. Your pet will love you regardless of your sexual preferences."

Another intentional gift of queer joy:

"Don’t let others turn your Hallmark movie into a Lifetime movie."