Author Scott G. Nelson reflects on legacy, literature and living honestly

CHICAGO, ILL. - By Michael Oboza, Special to GoPride.com

During my final year as a volunteer photojournalist, I made it my intention to help recognize everyday legends across our LGBTQ community. Thank you, author Scott G. Nelson, for your time, legacy, and for sharing your art.

Homophobia is first taught, then becomes survival and internalized.

"I knew at a pretty young age that I was attracted to boys. I didn't really understand what that attraction meant. I just knew it was there,” Scott G. Nelson shared.

"My mom's side of the family was very religious, and as I got older, what I was being taught made me believe those feelings were wrong. Naturally, I started thinking there must be something wrong with me."

"So I pushed it down. I tried to be the person I thought I was supposed to be because, at the time, I didn't believe my family, or many of those around me, would understand."

"When you're young and constantly hiding part of yourself, it changes the way you see yourself. You learn pretty quickly what not to say and what parts of yourself to keep private. I got very good at doing that."

Decades later, learning to live for oneself and not others is a lesson learned.

"I came out in 2007, when I was 31. I had left my wife and children in December of 2006, and that was an incredibly difficult time for all of us."

"For most of my life, I had done what I thought I was supposed to do. I had tried to meet the expectations of my family, my faith, and the people around me, while keeping a part of myself hidden. Eventually, I reached a point where I knew I couldn't keep doing that."

"Leaving wasn't easy, and coming out wasn't either. I knew my decision would affect people I loved, especially my children, and that was probably the hardest part. But I also knew that if I didn't finally allow myself to be honest about who I was, I was going to spend the rest of my life pretending."

"There were consequences. I lost friends, and some family relationships changed. There were also people who surprised me with their support. More than anything, I finally had the chance to discover who I was without constantly worrying about whether I was living up to someone else's expectations."

After decades of lived experience, advice from an author is noteworthy.

"I would tell future LGBTQ generations not to spend too much time becoming the person everyone else is comfortable with."

"One thing I've learned is that you don't need to have everything figured out right away. Give yourself room to experience things. Meet people who aren't like you. Listen to their stories. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Change your mind. You're allowed to grow, and you're allowed to discover that something you once believed about yourself doesn't fit anymore."

"I also wouldn't pretend that being open about who you are suddenly makes everything easy. It doesn't. Some people may surprise you with their kindness, and others may walk away. You can't control that. What you can control is how much of yourself you're willing to give up just to keep someone else's approval."

"And don't rush into a relationship because you think that's the final piece you're missing. Finding someone to share your world with can be wonderful, but you should also know who you are when you're standing on your own."

"I'm 51 now, and I can look back at who I was at 17, at 31 and who I am today very differently. I didn't have all the answers then, and I certainly don't have all of them now."

"If there's one thing I wish I had understood sooner, you don't have to have your whole life figured out to deserve the chance to live it honestly."