Fri. March 30, 2012
By Bill Pritchard
Are you someone who's friends or acquaintances could say is a ho? (Def: 1. the slang given to a person for whom whorish behavior is frequent. 2. a person who "gets around." 3. a type of sac or bag, usually made of burlap that hoes and other gardening tools are placed in for travel by foot or bicycle.)
Do you often times find yourself in regret or wish of this title? Why is it that in our teenaged years, most can think of nothing else but this one activity? How is it many look back in regret about it? Could it be that we've lost the true meaning of what sex should ideally be about?
I am about to share my opinion, and that will most likely differ from yours or even the cultural norm. That being said, I think conversations like these are rare. Even communicating about safe sex, tends to get swept under the carpet these days.
Please keep in mind, I am not judging anyone whose choice is the promiscuous lifestyle. I'm just offering a different alternative, challenge and thought.
When I was a little boy I was always encouraged to communicate about the birds and bees. If we kids had a question, both of my Sainted Parents would chime in. Of course not everyone had parents like I did; who were involved in groups like Planned Parenthood. Quite simply no question was out of reach.
Both my Parents were quick to educate, and even quicker to give their opinion about consequences. In my youth, talk about sexually transmitted diseases was not as prevalent as the sage advice about mental or even spiritual consequences. Not an opportunity would go by where my Mom wouldn't share the importance of "waiting for marriage" during a television show or movie. In my opinion, a lot of that advice was due to cultural and religious mores. Yet, I can't help but appreciate the healthy choice it remains to be.
Sure, we in the LGBT community can't get married yet, but what about the notion of waiting until we are in a committed relationship? Can that possibly work? Can we date, and develop true intimacy, (Def: Knowing someone and being known deeply) without any sexual relations? Truly think about that for a moment. Is it possible? Worth it?
Like any other activity, sex is a choice, whereas the desire to be intimate is ingrained in all of us. Intimacy happens when two people take the time to know and become known to one another. You can never exchange a kiss and yet still be intimate with someone. It's about the knowing, that intimacy is created. Do we in the LGBT community think that's very important?
I can hear the email/hate mail now. "Oh Pritchard, you have no idea what you're talking about", "How can I know if we are sexually compatible if we don't try each other out? "It feels good, I don't ever want to stop". All of these are valid thoughts. Often I don't know what I'm talking about, but come on, "try each other out"? Could it be that we often look at sex like a car test drive? How quick can she/he perform? How far will he/she go? What added amenities do they have? What does the package come with? (Sorry, had to say it!)
Okay, so we test each other out. Then what? If we didn't like something about the other, our view of them is tainted; making difficult or even preventing the simplest of friendship from being formed. We will most likely compare them to ‘other models' we've had before and undoubtedly reject them. Even worse, if someone we meet has similar features as previous choices, we may very well group them with those we've ‘had' in the past. Isn't it more likely that we would like to have the action of sex, without the commitment of relationship? And, if that is the case, then why on Earth are so many unhappy with meaningless sex?
If I had a dime for every time someone told me they were tired of being a person known as a slut, or even a prude; I'd be a rich man. Both sides of the spectrum can have pain attached. Can we agree that a balance needs to be achieved? Sex is not a bad thing; I think it just needs to be taken more seriously. I'm sad to see so much regret in our community. Regret for having too much, too little, too painful, too demeaning.
I've prided myself on having great relationships in my life. I'm still dear friends with everyone I've ever called boyfriend. That's taken work on both sides! My singleness has been blessed because of those quality guys. One of my relationships happened as the friendship grew closer. We were the best of friends long before we ever even kissed one another. Three or four months of quality time, and experience gave us a tremendous intimacy. This was a person I loved well before any physical interaction. We ended up dating for almost two years after the good night kiss lasted longer one evening.
I can't begin to say how wonderful and meaningful that relationship was and is to this day. I have zero regret. I don't feel used. I wasn't cheated for another. We benefited from investing in the time and memory making moments. Shouldn't that be what we look for? Isn't that worth some thought?
Do hookups and anonymous moments of sex thrill. Yes, they do, we are sexual beings, and it's only natural. I would however like to challenge you to think about the future; one free of regret, hurt, drama, STD's, unwanted pregnancy, or HIV/AIDS. If we think and choose it, sex can be a great expression of intimacy, connection, or dare I say it, love. It may sound corny to you, but I for one think it's better than what we see in the world today!
What do you think?
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