Wed. January 30, 2008
By Jim Verraros
American Idol: Season Seven; Miami
January 30, 2008—"American Idol's" in Miami this evening, where Idol hasn't been since Season two, and possibly for good reason.
This episode opens with music from "Melrose Place," "Beverly Hills: 90210,"or porn; I can't tell which one. Paula wears an incredibly short skirt, which I approve of, and Simon calls her "slutty." Thus the reason I approve.
Eighteen-year-old contestant Shannon McGough, grinds hamburger meat for a living and, in her free time, enjoys burping contests. Wearing sequins in her beret, and a pink and lime-green costume, she attempts Janis Joplin and miserably fails. In short, she'll be sent packing—more meat.
Robbie Carrico, who has a beanie and a Bret Michaels coif, sings ok. He was in a former boy-band and moves on to Hollywood. Carrico's followed by a montage of guys that can't hold a single note.
Enter Ghaleb, 27, who gurgles, what I think is, an Enrique Iglesias tune. Simon says he'd sound better if he was intoxicated, and I'll go with that too. However, Randy and Paula both think the guy can sing, and that's two votes. He's off to La La Land with Robbie Carrico.
Brittany and Corliss, both fun and cute with tons of spunk and energy, both need a man. They try Ryan, Simon and Randy as prospects, but the men don't seem so enthused. Brittany and Corliss both have voices you wouldn't expect, and I'm kind of enjoying them. They both get put through to the next round.
Suzanne Toon, a young mother who attended performing arts school, chooses "I Can't Make You Love Me," and does a solid job. However, I don't care for her beauty pageant banana curls, but they don't seem to annoy anyone else. Perhaps her hair bothers me because I'm either bored or gay.
Then we have a cute, spunky girl named Ramiele Malubay. She's probably no taller than 4'2" and sings Aretha Franklin's, "Natural Woman." I'm pleasantly shocked as this larger-than-life voice emanates from my speakers, and she rocks. She goes through.
Day two: Idol's audience is introduced to Syesha Mercado, just 20-years-old. She tells tales of her father's struggle with drugs and alcohol to millions of TV viewers, and adds that he has just finished a rehabilitation program. It's a little too-much-information for my taste, and she didn't need the back-end story. Her voice could've sold her alone. Yet regardless of her father's no-nos, she goes on to Hollywood.
After Ilsy Lorena Pinot gets through to the next level with a rendition of Rihanna's "Unfaithful," contestants are seen doing this thing where they stick their index finger into one ear as they sing. I don't get this tactic; I never have. It makes me wonder what other voices they are hearing besides their own.
Then Julie Dubela, a former, 12-year-old "American Junior" finalist, greets the panel. Now she's 16, and she's still "precocious." She seems to think she's matured since her AJ days, but and I'm glued to the florescent colors of her dress she may have picked up at a garage sale. She sings Janis Joplin, which is not what I would've picked for her, and the judges, not surprisingly, hate her audition. They tell her, "No," and she doesn't quite understand what "no" means. Footage from her performances four years ago is played, and it's a little bittersweet. She tells the viewers, watching Idol, not to watch Idol, and her former self singing is the backdrop that guides Dubela's way out of the hotel.
Out of 10,000, 17 people from Miami get a "golden ticket," and it's just another completely underwhelming episode in the end.
Where's the controversy? The bearded ladies? The monkeys? The pictures of Idol contestants sitting on the toilet?—-those are always fun.
"American Idol" episodes need Taylor Hicks screaming, "Soul patrol!" as he randomly pops his head into the audition room, and a sex tape. Britney Spears needs to be a guest judge and Miss Jay of "America's Next Top Model" needs to teach everyone how to be fierce. If next week's episode doesn't—-at least—-feature a porn star in nipple tassels, season seven may be slated to suck, because, to date, most of the singing hasn't been that sensational.
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