Dear Miss Honey,
During the Holidays I will be spending time with a friend who is not aging as well as she likes. She always prompts me for approval of her facial skin, and I find it hard to be honest. Last year, I just told her to look into getting something done if it would make her feel better, but I know she has not done it yet, and will be asking me again to tell her how she looks.
How do I be honest and tactful to this person who I care about very much. I want her to be happy, yet have also always felt that you cant always buy happiness.
Hoping to have a nice holiday with her this year without damaging her self image.
Honest and tactful,
I know a little about aging and having work done as both of these things apply to me. Getting older and showing your age is a tough thing to do for some of us. It would be great if we could just be happy with ourselves regardless of how we look but the truth is we live in a harsh world that can be very judgmental about esthetics. Having work done is a personal issue and often times a financial one as well. You have already suggested it to her so she knows that, as a friend, you would support her in that decision, and that the topic is open for discussion if she needed to talk about it. I don't think as a friend you need to do more than that. If she brings up the issue again I would tell her that it is more important to know how she feels about her looks and not to let others dictate how she should feel about her self. I would ask her to tell you her opinion, then you are off the hook for the answer. Ultimately, she has to come to terms with getting older and/or getting work done. You sound like a great guy who really cares about your friends feelings. She probably already knows this about you, so I wouldn't worry about saying the wrong thing. The world needs more friends like you.
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