Dear Princess Darby:
Where to begin? I am a semi-out lesbian who hid it for 30 plus years b/c of where I live, lack of support, family issues, fear, & the fact that I felt alone in trying to play the role I allowed society to dictate to me.
I am now out to a few people but still live in a rural area, which will not & cannot change any time soon for various reasons.
I am interested in joining a few sites like PRIDE so I can communicate & meet others to finally be more of the true person that I am. But I also fear this as the internet dating/friends web sites are scary to a degree.
Do I just join one or 2 & see where it goes? How do I choose a site that maybe more reputable than another site?
The isolation is difficult as I only have a few contacts that are GLBT. Most of my family would choose to not understand my orientation, esp. after being married/divorced. I admit to trust issues w/ relationships as my ex-husband once referred to me as a "cold hearted Lesbian bitch (I was not out)." I do not want my negativity based on a comment like the above to keep my guard up w/ new friends/family from the community, including sites like PRIDE.
So my last question to you is what other advice do you have for me based on becoming a more involved member of the community?
I read & appreciate all your advice.
Sincerely,
~New to my true self
Dear New To My True Self,
Thank you for thinking of sharing yourself and challenges with me. Be assured, you aren't alone. It always feels better to have a link to something or someone to release one's thoughts and feelings. To be connected.
At this stage in your life, it's good that you have friends, even one, that you can trust. Based on the information you shared with me this is a very good start for you. Sharing lifts the eight off your sholders, lifts the soul and spirt. Sometimes makes things less desperate and manageable, less lonely. Friends are sounding boards that reflect back what we think. Sometimes friends are reminders to keep on the right track. And, if we listen to ourselves thinking out loud, you'd be surprised what our own answers are!
It's a tough world out there. We all have serius challenges. No matter if you reside in the city or in a rural area community plays an integral part of our lives. Society is a systemized community, an organization that has parameters on behavior. That's why we have studies in sociology to study behavior and social problems. We just have to tweak it to meet our needs.
On the subject of men, they are necessary in life. They can be lovable and they can be cold. Sometimes people use negative disrespectul and hurtful words, humor, and actions towards others beacuse of their backgrounds, inadequacies in themselves and lack of communication skills. Of course, in response to yur ex-husbands remark, I would have said, "I didn't know you were a mind reader!". Smiled, and walked away. But then, I wouldn't have to pay the price to keep him guessing.
At this time I would think about the steps you are climbing during this transition period. If you can, see a counselor/therapist for counseling in a close city nearby to walk you through this. Play your cards close to your chest, make new friends, and judge who you can trust after a bond has been formed.
The Chicagopride.com site is a calling card and wealth of information of various events in the community. I don't know where you live, but if you are or not in the Chicago land area, check out the fundraisers, mixers, entertainment, and lifestyle areas They are always for volunteers at non-profit events. Check out the Center on Halsted. But, be careful and smart, the internet is world wide, and discretion should be use with safety in mind.
Lastly, be true to yourself, be happy, and be safe. Let me know how you are. Its spring, let your heart sing and enjoy yourself and life!
Princess Darby
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