October 13, 2005
As Labor Day sends a fond farewell to summer... it also launches us ass-first into fall... and the beginning of Chicago's infamous "prime-time moving season!"
As I prepare for some extended time down in sunny Miami/SoBe for my new design project and the "White Party at Viscaya"... I'm trying not to live up to my reigning title of "Miss Procrastinator/2004"... So, I've been spending the last few weekends reorganizing, sorting, discarding, packing... packing... packing... and packing ... and packing
... and packing!
... and, I actually FILLED two dumpsters with old shoes, way too many
"what-was-I-thinking-outfits", and bin-upon-bin of accessories!
[Blonde segue-moment #1]
Remember the old Eddie Murphy movie, "Coming to America", when their luggage was stolen upon entering Harlem... Well, I had the funniest dream of me walking out of my loft and seeing all the street people dancing around looking like "Broadway on crack"... featuring Barbie, Faith Hill, and Jessica Rabbit... and all of them "giving attitude"... IN MY OLD OUTFITS!!!
... and there was Nathan Lane in my old Jessica Rabbit red sequin gown, with purple gloves, sporting about 20-pounds of back-cleavage, and a 5 o'clock shadow... singing the theme song from "Westside Story"!!!!
(... that is the last time I fall asleep with a movie on after eating Mexican food!)
As my visiting-mother and I reached box number 22 of "The Great Jessika Sterling Move" ... and to my surprise, finding another useful purpose for all the duct tape I have in my closet... I've found myself thinking about family while spending A LOT of time catching up on my extensive DVD movie collection (... over 400, and growing!) As you all know, I'm a total movie-nut (... don't even try to play the "7-degrees of Kevin Bacon" with me... lol) and to live-up to my reputation as being the "epitome of contrast" (... being the ex-jock/queen that I am... lol) I'm sure you're not going be too surprised to learn that my favorite types of movies are sci-fi and musicals!
So, as we packed away my life (... and my evil twin) into cardboard boxes, my mom and I got extremely amused watching the old classic movie "GiGi" over and over. The little tidbits of wisdom past down by family members throughout the entire movie are absolutely priceless ... something about watching a movie with your mom just had me thinking so much about the "diva training" she provided me growing up as a shy, awkward child... and of course her not knowing just how much of an influence she was on me... and how much I see her passing on all those same priceless lessons to my little niece... it is just too funny for words.
So, with the recent passing of Labor Day... me being my mother's little graduated "Labor of Love"... and the little "Diva in training", my 2 year old niece Jessica, just beginning her lessons... I thought you all might reach some "enlightened state of froufrou-ness" concerning refinement and quality with...
Jessika Sterling's Favorite Diva-Quotes from the movie "GiGi"
1. "Bad table manners have broken up more household's than infidelity, my dear."- Aunt Alesia
2. "The world is full of weak heads and careless bodies!"- Aunt Alesia
3. "She's pretty... but common."- GiGi
4. "Without knowledge of jewelry the world is lost!"- Aunt Alesia.
5. "Never wear 2nd-class jewels... wait for the 1st-class jewelry... hold onto your ideals, my dear."- Aunt Alesia
6. "The only people who make love all the time... are liars!"
- Gaston LaChaille
7. "Of course they'll scream... they must always scream... afterall, you are a man!"- Honore' LaChaille
With movies like "GiGi", "My Fair Lady", and even my personal favorite of all time... "The Great Race"... the outfits played such a fabulous role that I could watch these movie over and over and still see new wonderful things.
Obviously (... hopefully) you can imagine that "Fashion and Art" are some of my other "Labors of Love"... keeping up with the trends, both as a boy and girl, are definitely one of more passionate pursuits... from my favorite "back off bitch" Prada heels... to my Versace "pilot-dresses" (cuz, it's two inches below the cockpit)... to my pretentiously-fabulous Bill Blass and Donna Karan men's cashmere jackets... to my "perfect-ass" Cavalli jeans ... to my "fag-a-liciously froufrou" Ferrigamo shoes... and even that $300 Versace men's belt collecting dust in my closet... I love clothes and everything surrounding the process of creating them.
Jessika's Top Reasons why "Men are Like... ."
(credit to my Bumper Rick and his friend "Bunny")
1. Men are like ...Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like ...Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ...Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ...Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ...Commercials... You can't believe all they say.
7. Men are like...Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ...Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ...Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ...Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ...Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ...Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ...Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
14. Men are like... going to Disneyworld... you ride all night, then tell your friends all about it the next day... and sometimes with pictures!
15. Men are like... a cup of coffee... hot and steamy when you first get it, but cold and bitter after.
Finally, we have the highlight of my entire summer! My evening as the official "spokesmodel" for Jaguar/Chicago and the Chicago House-VIP Hostess & Tahdah-girl for "The 20th Anniversary Chicago House/World Tour Gala" @
The Intercontinental Hotel/Chicago. This was an absolutely fabulous black tie event put on by Chicago House Charity (www.chicagohouse.org)... and as part of their on-going "World Tour" parties, this event was stylishly-themed as "Viva la Vie... formal with a French twist!"
www.orloff.com)... I definitely needed to make an impression with my appearance. So, after some thought... and thinking that most of the fashions in attendance would be either black our red... I decided I was going to wear GREEN! But, not your ordinary green... a sheer, form-fitting, spaghetti-strapped, full-length, designer, sage-green gown with a subtle leaf- pattern on a shimmery fabric... and of course we broke out my infamous green Prada strappy heels for this one! For accessories, besides my Bumper Boyz in attendance, I acquired some antique silver art nouveau-style jewels with matching green stones to complete my "French-Moderne look"
of the str8-girls looking very bitter as this "boy in a dress" made them look just a little... let's say "inadequate" that evening...
... so how do you pretentiously say... "Oh, just hate me already"... in french????
(They all loved me later, as we had some fabulous chats in the ladies room throughout the evening... it basically became "The Girl's Club" all night... haha)
But, I was not there to play... I was there for a "cause"... and my friend Jeremy had specific plans for bring in Miss Jessika Sterling this evening...
"TO GET HER SCHMOOZE ON!"
I was the "hired-gun" (... or "hired-heels") to come in, be beautiful, and get those cheap bitches to write a lot of checks to Chicago House! And gurlfriend, did I ever work that room... lol. By about 3/4 of the way through the evening I pretty much got to a point that everyone saw me coming, with a big smile of their faces, and were just giving me money without question... or ever designating which particular area they wanted their donation to be put towards! You gotta love it when they just go "You look fabulous... here's $250... you chose where to put it!"
... these are the moments when I wish I was one those "shady queens"... I could have just walked out of there with a few thousand dollars tucked-away in my cleavage and be off to Vegas before they ever knew I was gone... lol... damn, I hate being the "honest diva" in Chicago!!!!
Anyways, the event was fabulous... we raised a ton of money... I had a blast schmoozing my way around the room all night... met a ton of fantastic people ... got photographed for Chicago Social Magazine... did my "tahdahs" on stage for my quick spokesmodel-moment with Jeremy doing the silent auction/raffle awards ... promoted Jaguar a little... and even ended the evening with a cozy cab ride home with a leading man from one of the latino soap operas who was visiting from Miami.
(... his name is being withheld for straight-reasons... xoxo)
[Blonde segue-moment # 4]
By the way... here's your "Bumper Boy Deal of a Lifetime"... for all you "Stylish Boyz" craving the ultimate fabulous accessory... checkout www.orloff.com for the fabulous new Jaguars, Volvos, and Range Rovers...
... I think I need one of each to match my shoes... what do you think????
My fabulous "Jaguar-Bumper Boy", Phil Delozano, is the general manager at Howard Orloff Imports, Chicago's most prestigious dealership... tell him "Jessika Sterling sent you!" and he will set you up with a fabulously exclusive "Bumper Boyz Deal" on a new car!!!
"... I think you need an "azure blue" Jaguar to match your eyes, dah'link."
Seriously... they have been fabulous to me... and obviously support our community... gurlfriend, they gave me a $100k Jaguar XKR convertible for the pride parade!!!... "Yes, they are gay-friendly!!!!"
(... bitch, I'd marry them for a new Jaguar!... haha)
I actually have my eye on the new 2007 Jag XK coupe. I wonder if they'll do a "Sterling Edition Jaguar"????
I think a "sterling silver" coupe w/ my logo on the side, 20in. polished rims, all white leather interior with silver tooling, polished stainless steel & crystal gauges, champagne cooler in the glovebox, MAC touch-up make-up kit in the armrest, custom pedals for high heels, and 23 vanity-mirrors!
... and of course, we'll need unlimited "valet service"!
... what do you think???
And there you go my dah'links... that was our Labor Day Weekend festivities ...which was followed by me moving out of my loft just 3 days later. Currently, I'm temporarily staying with some close friends out in the burbs in their lovely 4 bedroom home till I go to Miami in November... after at least a month there... you may see Miss Jessika making some very interesting
(... and extremely fabulous!) changes in her life... so stay tuned!!!
... in the meantime, let's finish up our tales from our various "Labors of Love" with all of our fabulous pictures to prove it !!!
"Love you all more than my luggage!!!"