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April 27, 2005

Jessika & The Bumper Boyz:
Reserved for Jessika

BY
JESSIKA STERLING

What happens when 12 of your "fabulous" friends are looking for conversation, cuties, and cocktails on a Friday night in South Beach???

Well, you rally the troops and start the "South Beach Social Club"!!! (www.sobesocialclub.com)

Reserved for Jessika
Tanned... Tight... and Talented... former web/graphic designer, Edison Farrow, believe it or not, started this idea on a whim... and now, 4 short years later, it is "THE place to be on a Friday night in SoBe!"

... so, with the invitation extended, of course the Bumper Boyz and I just HAD to check this out!

Reserved for Jessika
"Euphoria Fridays @ The Jade Lounge (www.jadesobe.com) was our first stop of the "Jessika Sterling and the Bumper Boyz/SoBe VIP Tour", and it all began with an impromptu tour of every backstreet, service drive, canal bridge, sidewalk, and crappy dark street between Miami Beach and South Beach as my very own drag-mom, Miss Gabrielle Giovant'e, had the "mother of all blonde-moments" and FLAKED on how to get to the club that she was just at a couple weeks earlier... and we had the address!

("I love ya gurl...but you're wearing out my last nerve here!!!")

Well, we finally made it to the club... fashionably late... and just in time for the show. As we pull up, we're greeted by the valet with a very diva-esque "Welcome Miss Sterling ... right this way... we have you on the list!"... Ooook, apparently I must be the only tall blonde in south beach since they knew it was me... how did they know it was me???... oh well, who am I to think about things like that ... and in we go!

As we enter the palm tree lined, sleekly-designed glass entry... not more than two clicks of my heels into the club and we hear "And here's Miss Jessika Sterling!" from the microphone in the DJ booth... and are simultaneously greeted by the fabulously-hunky Jade Lounge Mgr. himself, Scott! Upon which, he tells me that he's heard so much about me from friends, who turned out to be my Chicago-Bumper Boyz, Kyle and (ChicagoPride.com Music Editor) DJ Plez!!! He then proceeds to assure us that our VIP Booth (... with bottle service, of course) is already reserved upstairs, and directs me to none other than our host, Edison Farrow himself, manning the DJ booth... which resulted in a huge welcoming "you made it"... and hug!!

... and that's how our little vacation in Florida started!!!

[blonde segway-moment #1]

Ever wonder the origin of the term. V.I.P. ???

Most may know it as... Very... Important... Person?

Where as others may consider it... Vehemently... Into... Popularity?

or...

Vacuum the Interior of your Pocketbook?

Very... Inflated... Prices?

Vicariously... Inter-mingled... Pretentiousness??

Or how about the more positive with meeting... Vibrantly... Interesting... People???

I guess that your definition depends on who... and what you're looking for...
In any case...one thing always holds true... Vanity... Isn't... Priceless!

(... unless, someone else is paying for it!!!)

[back]

As the Bumper Boyz and I spent our fabulous 6 days in lovely Miami/SoBe and Ft. Lauderdale, touring the hotspots around town, meeting an overwhelming number of potential "future ex-husbands"... and having way too many "bottles of the bubbly" in the various VIP lounges ... I noticed an interesting thing...

Have you ever noticed how men are like a bottle of champagne???

Not so much as that... It's all sparkles and bubbles once you pop the cork...
but, after you've had a few sips... it eventually goes dull and flat... till you pop another."


But, more so of how men are like the various "brands".

So, I thought I'd share with you a few insights with another one of my little
"blonde thesis-moments"...

"The Jessika Sterling 7-Level Champagne-Men Thesis"

Level #1- The "Cristal-Guy" - Flashy, all about the hype and showing off... costs way more than it's worth... and you HAVE to have it, as long as someone else ends up paying for it!
Level #2- The "Dom-Guy" - Excellent when it finally matures, perfect for impressing your friends... but still too costly in the end!
Level #3- The "Veuve Clicquot-Guy" - Looks exotic, has that European-mystique... but smells funny and has a pretentious after-taste!
Level #4- The Bollinger-Guy" - Not many have had it before, has a good reputation, seems to go with any occasion... but you always seem to remember it after you've had something else!
Level #5- The "Moet/WhiteStar-Guy" - Seems to show-up at all the trendy events, you think you've heard rumors about it before... but not sure where... or if it was good or bad... but it's got a flashy label... so against your instincts, you try it anyways!
Level #6- The "Domaine St. Michelle-Guy" - "The great all-around stand-by" ... always available, kind of bland but goes with everything, has a variety of uses from New Years Eve to mimosas by the pool
... and it's cheap!
Level #7- The "Cold Duck-Guy" - Surprisingly tastes good, but you'd never admit it to your friends that you've had it... and never be seen in public with it... but for some reason you have a taste for it now and then!

(... burp!)

Ok... now, on to the "Adventures of Jessika in South Beach"!!!

I figured the best way to tell you about our time down there was to lay it out as a little highlighted itinerary-style report... and, since I had a little"too much fun" and my memory of everything is somewhat "clouded"... dah'links, you're just going to have to fill-in the blonde-cracks yourself. (... no pun intended!!!)

Reserved for Jessika
Friday/Night One: South Beach Social Club @ Jade Lounge/SoBe (www.jadesobe.com)

(10:00pm) We began with a lovely night-tour of downtown South Beach (... and every alley, backstreet, and turnaround!)... and a fashionably-late arrival to ultra-hip, Jade Lounge/SoBe.
(11:00pm) Valet... "Welcome Miss Jessika Sterling... VIP List"... of course!
(11:01pm) Two steps in door... announcement... "Jessika Sterling is here!" And, greeted by hunky Jade Mgr. Scott ... and a big hug from Edison Farrow !!!
(11:30pm) The show starts with MC Daisy Deadpetals and the cast w/ Big Kim (doing Lil' Kim... too funny)... sooo sweet.
(12:30am) "Sister Act" Show Finale... I give it a "C+".
(12:35am) Once again... I end up meeting guys in the powder room... this time it's Chicago Boyz!!!
(12:45am) After me "getting my schmooze-on", we are joined by some newly acquired SoBe Bumper Boyz from West Hollywood... .one was the President of an aerospace engineering firm... and specializes in "Fluid Management"... why, yes you do, dear ... hehe (... their names are being withheld for "straight-reasons"!)
(1:00am) After the show, this line around the bar forms for the VIP lounge upstairs... we are escorted right on by, greeted by the fabulously-sweet VIP Hostess Miss Jackie Wilson ... escorted to our booth with awaiting chilled champagne and a sign stating to all ... "Reserved for Jessika Sterling and the Bumper Boyz"!
(2:30am) 6 bottles of "Whitestar" later... we realized that I had a handful of "bottle" comps... that I thought were just "drink" comps!
... .oopps, well it was making the guy's night to spend over $600 on us... so, I guess "Your welcome Jade Lounge"... lol

Reserved for Jessika
Saturday/Night Two: JustCircuit.com @ Torpedo Bar & The Coliseum/Ft. Lauderdale (www.torpedobar.com) (www.coliseumnightclub.com)

(12:00pm) Day two began with a trip to the Bal Harbour Shops and a gift for birthday-boy Edison Farrow ... the official "Jessika Sterling Survival Kit" consisting of an eye mask, perfume atomizer, mini-nail kit, 30-day lip gloss pack, multi-colored/extra-lubricated condom, and cherry flavored-Alka-Seltzer... all in an extra fabulous black leather canister... .along with a very Barbie-esque pop-up birthday card wishing him "world peace and a big frickin' tiara on his birthday!"
(7:30 to 9:30pm) Early evening... I go into "pre-game mode"... as the cloud of powder finally settles... we hit the freeway up to Ft Lauderdale to
Torpedo Bar and The Coliseum!!!
(10:30pm) As we turn the corner to the parking lot... Wayne , a rather large Soprano-like gentlemen, waves us in front of the club entrance... it turns out he was alerted to a "Tall, Hot, Blonde" coming and was reserving a VIP spot right next to the door. Upon which he opens my door and welcomes us with a "Welcome to Torpedo Miss Sterling... right this way"... as we by pass the line of gawking patrons waiting to get in... I finally meet my fabulous new hosts for the night & "NEW Bumper Boyz"... Shane and Victor of www.justcircuit.com... xoxoxo
(10:35pm) As we walk in... "Jessika Sterling in the House" appears on all the monitors AND 20 foot screen on stage... big smooches to Bruce the resident A/V guy.
(10:45pm) We then rally up with my ultra-fabulous hosts, Shane and Victor of www.justcircuit.com, the owners, management, barstaff... and it's cocktails for everyone!!!
(11:00pm) Soon after, I'm introduced to Brett Hufziger , local photographer-extraordinaire (www.bhuf.com)
(11:30pm) Chit-chat with Club owner, Troy ... what a fabulous guy! Soooo gracious and down to earth... we are definitely coming back here!!!(... and all the stripper-boyz doesn't hurt either... hehe)
(11:45pm) Got to meet famous DJ Wendy "Mom" Hunt and watch her spin for a few... took a picture... of course!
(12:00am) Acquired my next bumper boy of the evening... Kristian ...former Boston Ballet Star... soon to be Porn Star?!... wellll, you're cute... but, ewwww... T.M.I., honey! (... call me after the penicillin shots, ok?!)
(12:15am) I then get "coerced" into getting my semi-retired-butt back up on stage for a little impromptu number ... .for "photo-op reasons"
... of course.

Reserved for Jessika
Then is was off to "The Coliseum" (www.coliseumnightclub.com)

(12:20am) A quick stop en route to the local 7-eleven for supplies... gotta love a diva next to the slurpie machine, eh?... or is that a "Big Gulp"? ... I get a little quality chit-chat time with Shane... who I'm liking more and more as time goes by... what a sweety!!!
(12:30am) "The Bumper Boy Convoy" finally arrives to a line of waiting cars going for about a mile to get in!!!... and of course Shane starts video taping me sitting in our car behind for the next web-feed on www.justcircuit.com... lol
(... and here's Jessika looking "impatient!!!")
(12:35am) Once VIP'd past the line, in we go to a "Solid Wall of Heat" and this HUGE SEA OF HOTT SWEATY MENZ!!!... WOW, but...
"Damn gurl... where's the air duct to stand under?!"... I'm melting!!
(12:45am) Backstage we go... escorted by hottie Mr. Gary Santis , owner of the fabulously huge Coliseum ... .acquires us a cocktail just for our continued trip upstairs to the VIP lounge overlooking center stage and the show with T.P. Lords and late show with Miss Continental/Erika Norell .
(12:50am) T.P. Lords was sweet as can be and rocked the crowd... you go gurl!
(1:15am) Personal invitation to climb up the ladder to meet world-famous (..and predicted 2005 Grammy winner!) DJ Tony Moran in the DJ Booth above. Me in a short dress & thigh-high boots climbing a ladder... hey, I'm talented!!! What a sweetheart Tony was to let us hangout and watch him spin for a few and chit-chat ... .too cool! (... and too short for me ... damn!)
(1:30am) Later, I walked into the dressing room (..which had a private restroom!) and a cloud of spray mount in the air as Miss Norell's pit-crew was "applying" her costume consisting of three strips of glittered fabric the size of cocktail napkin torn into 3 pieces. (Hmmm, Cock... Tail... I guess that is a pun now isn't it?!... hehe)
(2:00am) Second show starts... and dramatic beginnings to Miss Norell's show with an unfortunate "slip" on stage... and surprising luck to not have her butt stick to the stage from all that glue on her "Cootchie"...but, she recovers like a true diva... mugs at the crowd... strikes a diva-pose... and finishes her number to a thunderous crowd of hot sweaty fans!!!

Special note: We all fall sometime... and/or have something fall off... but, it's how you "recover" is where the "divas" are made and the "bar queens" are
separated... .Well done, gurl!))

(3:00am) Throughout the evening, a lovely time was had by all from our perch high above... reminiscent of a stadium's VIP Box ... and the tall, blonde in the "Pilot Dress" sooo enjoyed giving the "Miss America Wave" to all the boyz below. (..wave... wave... now smile)

[blonde segway-moment #2]

Remember the term "Pilot-dress" from your Jessika handbook?

... it is a dress so short that it's "Two inches below the cockpit!"

[back]

(4:00am) We spent a little"quality-chat-chat-time' with Gary in the front bar... and how great was he to place himself right under an air conditioning vent for the whole time... gotta love a man who knows how to take care of you!!!... and we take a picture, of course!
(4:30am) Then it was back to Miami... washed off the diva-residue... and in bed by 6am!!!

Special Note: A HUGE THANK YOU goes out to Shane and Victor of justcircuit.com, Troy @ Torpedo, and Gary @ Coliseum for showing us the best time in Ft. Lauderdale and truly giving us the VIP treatment... it couldn't have been a better time... XOXO
(... see ya at Disney Gay Days Boyz!!!)

Reserved for Jessika
Sunday/Day Three: Shopping on Collins Ave & Ocean Drive/SoBe

(12:00pm) We began our day at the fag-a-licious Lincoln Road and a HUGE double cheeseburger, chili fries, and chocolate shake @ Johnny Rockets... screw being healthy... bitch, I'm hungry!!!
(1:00pm) We just happen to stumble into Envy Collection and a fabulous new frock and purse was presented by the hunky Italian-owner and his bevy of tasty potential future-ex-husbands. Well, we got the most fabulous green striped cocktail dress, green scalloped-sequin purse, and a pair of chandelier earrings to match... all of which will perfectly match my green Prada strappy heels that I somehow psychically knew to bring along... .LAAAHHH, release the pigeons... Jessika has a new frock once again!!!
(3:00pm) Continued shopping on Collins Ave. and Ocean Drive... and casually strolling into the various boutiques... AND continuously having the sales staff ask if I was looking at that $500 cocktail dress for "my girlfriend"... Honey, I'm 6'4"... a size 10 ... I have more sway in my walk than a palm tree in a hurricane... AND, we are in South Beach! ... DUHHHHH!!!

"Honey, if I had an eyebrow... it would be raised right at your stupid blonde head right now!"

Well, of course I told her... "Uh, no dear... it's for this tall, blonde I know... ME!" (... now I think I'll just try this on and parade around the store in it with my 5 o'clock shadow just for fun... ok?!)... haha
(5:30pm) On the flip side, Tina and the gang @ Runway were just a delight... .they almost had me talked into a fabulous gown with a beaded asian theme of "cranes" all over it... god, I wanted that sooo bad... but unfortunately, no size 10... thank god, since I didn't need to dump that much money on a whim.
(... and my credit card was already SCREAMING at me from my pocket... "Do me... do me... do me!!!)
(8:00pm) Then it was home for a night of candlelit-cocktailed-lounging on the patio and some DVD movies for us boyz!

Monday/Day Four: Dead on the Beach/Miami Beach

(12:00pm) A lazy boy-day of lounging on the beach... and doing NOTHING!!!
(4:00pm) An afternoon of "diva-preparation mode"... washing/styling wigs... sorting jewelry, minor wardrobe maintenance, and general pre-game rituals.
(8:00pm) "Boyz Nightout" and a fabulous little Italian restaurant down the street that just so happens to be the hangout for in-town celebrities like that "other crocodile hunter guy from tv" ... and he was joined by what looked like his "pre-arranged companion" for the evening... hehe. (... well, she looked cheap... let's hope she was also?!)

Reserved for Jessika
Tuesday/Night Five: Edison Farrow's Birthday @ Pawn Shop/Miami
(www.thepawnshoplounge.com)

(12:00pm) Tour of the Miami Design District (... boy-designer stuff for me.)
(1:30pm) The infamous "Pump-gondola" (... yes, we saw an actual gondola-boat in the shape of a high heel!!!)
(5:00pm) Home for "Pre-game Mode" by late afternoon.
(10:00pm) Then it was on to the The Pawn Shop Lounge and Edison Farrow's Birthday Bash !!!! ... which happened to be in the shady part of Miami... yikes!

[and "click" goes the door locks]

(10:30pm) We arrive to this bright yellow, advertising-covered, block building and adjoining barbwire surrounded parking lot... with 3 bright orange cones in the entry. Well, seeing that we were not in a hurry to search the "hood" for a parking spot... we stop, and as I get out of the car... the fag-a-licious doorman Alan exuberantly leaves his post, and the line of partygoers, and shouts "Jessika Sterling... you're here!!"... as he rushes over, moves the cones, then directs us to a reserved space right in front

(... god, I'm loving this town!!!!)

(10:45pm) We make our entrance into a giant loft-like space that looks like a cross between Jetson-mod and Route 66-Retro... from the school bus lounge dividing the dance floor from the front cocktail lounge... to the 30 foot airstream trailer lounge in back... and the airliner cabin section, complete with overheads and seating as booths... we were overwhelmed with so many things to look at that I just had to rest in one of the barber chairs to take it all in. (... hey, the barber chair matches my new green dress...
Quick, take a picture!!!)
(12:00am) Mid-way thru the evening, it was time for the Energie Fashion Show and a fabulous Madonna-performance by Daisy D. ...
Later, there was my little impromptu photo shoot in the school bus lounge for the local photographers! (... and for those of you thinking the worst of me... NO, my knees didn't touch the floor!!)
(12:30am) We also met Pedro of Hotspots Magazine , who was very patient with us as I had to frantically raced back into the bus after realizing I left my brand new $400 micro-digital camera on the cocktail table inside... .AHHHH!!!!
(... ."DAMN, that blonde moves fast in heels!!!")
(1:30am) Towards the end of the evening, I had the pleasure to chat with Miss Daisy Deadpetals once again. And, after corralling
Mr. Birthday Boy himself... we had another photoshoot with the local photographers and just "got our schmooze on" right thru to the end of evening. (... uh, early morning.)
(3:00am) Jessika has left the building!!!... got to bed around 4am... but not before a ravenous binge on the left-over Italian food in the fridge!

Wednesday/Day Six: Back to Chicago

(8:00am) After getting to bed around 4... then getting up to go to the airport... THIS was not one of my favorite things about my trip.
(5:00pm) Upon our arrival back in Chicago... another noteworthy moment was having the stewardess physically have to hit me in the head to wake me up after sleeping all the way home... lol

... thank god I was in first-class so everyone assumed I was some important entertainment person that was up all night for some fabulous event before having to jet back to make another fabulously important event...

... .of course, they were right!... .lol

... and here are the pictures to prove it!

"I love you more than my luggage!!!"
xoxoxo
Jessika Sterling

P.S.

In honor of my little diva niece...Jessica...and her upcoming 2nd birthday... here's one of my favorite little stories...

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said,
"All I want out of life is four little animals".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be, dear?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back... a Jaguar in the garage... a tiger in the bedroom... and, a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher fainted.


(I'm going to be such a bad influence on her...thank god!!... haha)

Check Out Jessika's FULL PHOTO SPREAD... all the photos from the SoBe VIP Tour!


 
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