As of late, I've had a number of conversations about dating. I really think that many of us have forgotten what a date is. It's more than hanging out it's getting to know someone. When was the last time you went on a date? Before people start to write me about their lack of interested people, please keep in mind that I am attempting to challenge you to a new idea and not in your ability to get a date. (This article is my opinion and one that I know is different than what most people's opinions are!)
Some people base the role of boyfriend or girlfriend on one evening. In my opinion, it's wise to take the time and invest in getting to know someone before that title is given. Find out what their goals, dreams, joys and struggles are. Webster defines intimacy as knowing someone and being known deeply. With that definition, one could say that "being intimate" takes on a whole new meaning. My parents and I are very intimate and yet there is no link to romance there. Wait a moment! What was that word I just used? Romance! Could it be that some today don't know what this means either? Just days ago, I had a friend say to me that he was looking forward to being "wooed" by his resent date. Could it be that he is looking for that breath taking, temperature raising, heart pounding thrill that romance can be?
Intimacy takes time and cannot be fabricated. My former boyfriend and I were friends way before we were boyfriends. The term "fell in love" really applied to us as we enjoyed each others company long before we enjoyed a kiss. We dated for quite some time and when we felt like we needed to go in different directions in our lives, our friendship remained. He knows me and I know him deeply. To this day, I can still read him like a book. Most times we don't even have to say a word, and we'll know what the other is thinking. We've worked really hard to know each other. That can't be made up. Sure, an evening of conversation and pouring your heart out to someone can be quite intense, but it's only one small part of a new friendship. Wouldn't you like to have that type of boyFRIEND or girlFRIEND?
Romance is thought, action and choice! This is one of my favorite parts about a relationship! (New or old) I had a girlfriend (B.G. =Before Gay) that I really enjoyed romancing! Every week I would bring her flowers. They were different each week; various themes, styles, and sizes. (O.G.T = Obviously Gay Trait) I loved thinking up new and creative ways to surprise her and make the flowers better than they were before. I enjoyed writing notes too! In short, I was really in to the romance of it all. I need to be forthright and say that we all have had moments where we are turned on by someone and really into the heat of the moment. In my opinion, that is not romance nor is it the time for romance. That's someone being led by their hormones more than their brain. (Side note: Before you say it, I think romance can take place in the bed when true intimacy is in place. Sex is an expression of that romantic intimacy.) We've all been there, but more and more, I'm hearing that people would like more than that. There is where choice comes in to play! If you choose ahead of time to be a person that would like the real deal and not just another hookup; then make that choice right now, before the moment is upon you.
Infatuation vs. Crush. Encarta Dictionary says it like this "Infatuation is a great, often temporary, and irrational passion for somebody." I think that everyone can relate to this! This can be caused sometimes by a glance, a good-night kiss, or even a hookup. It tends to drive one a bit crazy. The crush however is a simple, non-threatening way to like something about someone. The other day, I was talking with a pal of mine and he told me that that had a crush on someone, so I called him to task about it. In the end we both realized that he was more infatuated about this guy than a simple crush. Infatuation tends to make you do things you wouldn't do or compromise in certain areas of your life. A crush is more of a cute gesture that most of the time goes unnoticed by its object of affection. I have a few crushes at the moment. Some of them know about it, some don't. I have one Crush, Dylan (Pictured above) who's been a crush since the day that I met him. Both he and his longtime boyfriend know. Sure he's hot, but I'm glad to call him my friend. It's simple really I turn into a little kid whenever he is around. I smile; I laugh, and usually talk too much. My crushes are a nice moment where I forget about my worries and appreciate the beauty, charm, comedy or confidence about someone. My best friends know who my crushes are and are always willing to point them out to me when they come into the room. It is this innocence that I challenge you to look for in your life. I think that a simple crush is something that can be a platform to a healthy relationship or a positive connection.
Perhaps on your next date you can look for opportunities to get to know the other person rather than looking for the hookup later. I am not judging those that go that direction, rather I am offering a different approach. With as many people as I hear from on a weekly basis saying to me that they would like to find something real and from the heart; I think it may be time for a real change in how we as the LGBT community operate! For those of you in a relationship, maybe it's time to spice things up a bit with a touch of romance. The charm and joy one feels when they're being romanced is awesome. That translates into the bedroom as well!
I know that I sound a bit preachy. These happen to be my opinions. You may have a different one. I respect that more than you know! I guess I have been saddened by the number of folks that have come up to me looking for something more in this area. My thought is that there is something more and it's worth the time and effort to make it happen. I welcome your thoughts!