Not long ago I was listening to a close friend tell me that he and his boyfriend were breaking up. They had just reached a point in their relationship where they couldn't continue. I asked my friend if his boyfriend ever made the criteria he was looking for in a potential boyfriend. That opened the door to a whole other conversation; what is it that we look for in a budding boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?
For me this criteria or "list" is the deal breaker that I go by in choosing if someone is a possible boyfriend. For me it is very simple; if I find a guy really attractive and "eligible" I look at his life and ask myself, "How would he be with my parents?" and "Is he mission minded?" If he is neither then he will not the best boyfriend material for me and I for him.
I think that we all have our little "lists" of what we like and don't like in a possible boyfriend/girlfriend situation; but that list usually consists of physical or ranking attributes. (How he looks; is he successful; does he have a swimmer's build.) The criteria that I am suggesting are more of a deeper set of convictions. For example, I am a person who has never used drugs. It is something that I will not allow in my life and tend to promote against. If I am attracted to a guy who has all the right looks, and successes; but likes to recreationally use drugs; that would most likely not be a potential boyfriend for me. That isn't a judgment, but rather an honest observation that we would be unequal in our convictions.
It's okay to be honest with yourself and others about those personal values.
I think a lot of people settle in relationship choices because they don't' want to be alone or they want some sort of status. In short, if you compromise your personal convictions to gain companionship or social standing, you will loose! Dating is a way to get to know someone and find out what their mission in life is or how they want to make a difference.
All too often in the LGBT community we meet someone that we are attracted to; go out on a date with them having it lead to the inevitable evening "Let's go home together" closer.
It doesn't have to be this way. In fact, we will get out of our relationships what we put into them. Aren't you and your potential boyfriend/girlfriend worth taking the time to see if it's a fit.
To be honest with you, I am well aware that I like to have sex. What I am not aware of is whether or not my date is possible boyfriend material. Perhaps we can strive to invest more of our time in getting to know someone better before "going home" with them.
Doesn't it make sense that we would have a better experience knowing our date's favorite color, book or season before we experience their anatomy? We already know they are attractive; now we need to know if they are compatible.
I believe that this work will pay off in the future and make the difference in our lives!
By the way, did I mention that I am single?! *Wink*