I am a 54 y.o. gay man who takes care of his mother at home. Mom does not any hanky panky in the house, even though she is just a little 89 year old lady with arthritis. I have toyed with the idea of sneaking someone in while she is asleep, but she pretty much dominates the mood in the house, it's a small co-op, and I forget about that idea. I am pretty much in it for the long haul in taking care of mom, but in the meantime I am becoming celibate. I haven't had a man in 2 years! And when I leave the house, I really only have 3 or 4 hours at the most to do whatever shopping and stuff I need to do, and then I have to get home to take care of her. I love her, but I also feel like I am waiting for her death so that I can have a social life or a boyfriend. Can you offer me a few suggestions or just one good one?
Mark, my mother is 92 so I understand you wanting to be there for her but I would also tend to think she would want you to be happy. I would look for a balance. Your happiness will fill you up and the more full you are, the more you will have to offer your mom in this very sensitive time in your lives. Being a care taker should not mean that you give up your life. It is not fair to either of you. When your mother was in her prime she probably lived her life to the fullest and you deserve that same joy. Are there are other siblings or family members that could give you some time off or even a senior center that could offer planned activities? You might find that she would enjoy the comradely of other seniors. My mom certainly does.
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