Dear Princess Darby,
My partner and I attend formal dinner parties at a friend's house fairly often, but aren't sure how to handle a friend of the host who exposes himself at the dinner table.
I broke my silence about it to several other regular guests and it has also happened to them. Let's call him Mike, and his partner of many years Phil.
The host was friends with both of them as singles, Mike and Phil's relationship has gone south over the years. Phil, a controlling verbally abusive person, and Mike the non breadwinning victim of a relationship so desparate for the attention his partner doesn't give that he pulls it out at the dinner table to the person sitting next to him!
We are afraid to bring it up for fear that Phil will go off the deep end since he has a tendency toward violence. The host has brought it to Mike's attention, yet the behavior continues.
Most of us wouldn't care if it happened out on the deck on a hot summer night after kicking back 7 or 8 margarita's, but at the dinner table? That's nuts. No pun intended. What happens when he pulls it out to the wrong guest? We want to do something, but what?
I'm never amazed at the lack of proper decorum at the dinner table or special events.
Someone should send a book of etiquette when they decline their next invitation with regrets if the "floor show" is invited.
My question to the host is why they would include the offending guest at all.
My question to you is why you would even consider attending a dinner party with that type of behavior without "kicking back" margaritas.
My advice to you is to be out of town when the next round of invites arrive, attend only when the floor show won't be attending, start your own round table of formal dinners amongst your friendds, or last, find new friends.
This isn't a test. You don't have to select an answer. But you do have multiple choices.
Good luck with the holidays approaching, and if anything, keep your tux clean!
By submitting a letter to this website, you grant the GoPride Network permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications.
Your name and email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a question will be responded to.
GoPride Network advice columnists offer their opinions on a variety of subjects. They are expressing personal and professional opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health professional.
GoPride Network and its advice columnists are not responsible for the outcome or results of following their advice in any given situation. You are completely responsible for your actions and neither Jill nor Vicki accepts any liability for any situation in your life past, present or future.
The GoPride Network reserve the right to edit letters for length and clarity.