Tuesday 1/4/2011
Givers and Takers
Britney once said, "there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who entertain and those who observe." But unfortunately that's from a song on a comeback album. I think it's important that I give everyone my Grandma's version of this same idea. She's always told me, "there are two kinds of people in the world. Givers and takers."
You might be wondering what the difference is.
A giver is someone that everyone would like to be. No matter what your background, no matter how much money you have, or where you come from, if you are a giver than you are somebody who puts others first. This doesn't mean you'll be giving out dollars to every beggar you run across. But it shows up in a person's friendships, and in their personal life. They care for others, and genuinely show that by going above and beyond the call of duty. They will pour love into every aspect of their relationship, and always answer the phone when called, even just to say they'll call you back if they're busy. They do not hang up on people, and they don't "hang up" on people in real life either. They are also forgiving. I mean, giving is in the word forgiving. Let's consider how much bad a person can throw our way before we're just plain done. Asking someone to pay you back before you resume a friendship is one example of a responsible person, and a generous giver.
The guy who takes your money, asks for it and then never gets around to paying you back - he's a taker. He may be really sweet, a real nice guy down on his luck. But let's consider again how much bad a person can throw our way before we're just plain done. The taker will gladly accept your dollar on a handshake as gladly as you are to give it to them. But they'll never forgo a movie to pay you back that $10 you lent them. A taker will continue to accept your love as long as you're willing to give it; "take from the well until it's dry" as my Grandma would say. And they'll be appreciative too, but they won't give back. About the time you realize that they won't be there for you when you need them, they will have moved on and already forgotten your name.
Be careful of the taker who comes back a second or third time to hit you up for another round of loving. They don't mind apologizing as long as you don't ask for an explanation to go along with it. Because they don't have one. There isn't a goal, just a desire to stay in control. If the giver knew that, the trust would be eroded, and without trust - two people can't have any sort of relationship. No business partner, good friend, or love is formed without trust.
So my friends, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are Givers. And then there are Takers. We can all be givers, but it isn't something that occurs because we've tried. It's just something you fall into by the grace of your own nature. Givers and Takers will always be better suited to stick with their own - the two together can be downright abusive sometimes.
Friday 12/31/2010
Relax
This holiday season I've been all over the place. I've literally been on a plane half of my vacation making my way around the country to see friends and family. Having been pushed, shoved, and poked by crowds out shopping, it's with great pleasure that I sit in the back of a town car and type out this blog. Still, traveling from Scottsdale to Goodyear, Arizona is like crossing an ocean. Not very exciting, not very many cute boys, not very christmas-y. But it has given me a chance to collect my thoughts, which have been haphazardly strewn out along my journey. I've seen my family for the first time in months, I've tried (tried) to put work aside, escaped a confrontation with a boy in Chicago, ran into my evil ex in Seattle, and had dinner with my mentor half a country away from where we first met. It's been a long and troubling path towards relaxation. I'm so lucky god gave me Britney Spears and Glee.
The trouble with losing your mind is that without it you won't have the presence of mind to pick up all the pieces. Start with not thinking. Do something, do nothing, don't use your brain. Go crazy, but give your cranium a rest. Take a long nap! I had my first real night of sleep last night since my run in with my evil ex (a bit like Scott Pilgrim), and boy did that help. Combined with a shopping spree at H&M this afternoon at Scottsdale's Fashion Square, I've received the adaquate therapy. While shopping sprees may not be very useful advice for everyone, you should know that if you "check in" on facebook mobile you'll be offered a 20% off coupon that illuminates your screen in a cheery "YOU'RE A WINNER" kind of way. It's sure to help boost your mood no matter how much you spend. I hear this is happening with other brands as well, so start checking in more often guys!
Post holiday sales are still going strong at many of my favorite stores, so go out and use those giftcards while they have real buying power. Okay, enough said. The other thing you can do to unwind and relax is turn off your internet. This might sound crazy, but I've been without it most of my vacation (aside from the mini-net on my iphone) and this has helped keep me focused on the now. Otherwise I'm cooking up ideas and sending them off to Chicago at a pace even a G6 would have trouble catching up to. Unplug your internet for a few days while you still can.
RECAP:
1. take a nap
2. collect your thoughts
3. turn off the internet
4. truly relax, however you do so
P.S. Sorry for the delay in my posts! Traveling can really slow you down :p
Thats what everyone fails to do during the holidays. They fill their schedule with the things that they wanted to but have been too busy tp do during the rest of the year and before they know it it's back to work ot school only to find out that all they really wanted and needed for the holdidays is a nice long rest.
Wednesday 12/22/2010
Presents!
This year's christmas shopping has been slow. I'm not entirely sure why, but I just wasn't excited like I have been in the past. I could hardly get off the couch and leave my eggnog behind until a good friend came to fetch me. So we went out shopping and looked for hours, particularly for my grandparents, who are hard to shop for because of two reasons:
1. they're both somewhat handicapped, my grandmother is going blind and my grandfather is missing some toes and has a hard time walking.
2. they primarily sit on their couch and watch TV or go to casinos to gamble because most other activities involve leaving their Chihuahua at home alone for more than three hours.
but I didn't see anything, and the harder I looked the more I began to worry about the day I'd next see them. My family runs like a business, and this year we won't be together on christmas because of our individual ventures. But I'm representing the family with a christmas visit to my grandparents here in Washington from which we hail. I'm going to deliver presents, eat dinner, catch up on life, and then... I'm also going to see them because I need to come out. Which is why the elongated, stressful shopping trip made such an impact on my psyche. You should be excited to see your grandparents. But I'm wracking my brain trying to devise a perfect phrase. Trying to create an ideal situation in my mind.
It's not that I think they'll reject me. And I think everything will turn out fine. But I hold enormous guilt because they are in fact the last of my family to know. I'm completely out to my family, my friends, and the world as I know it... But not them. I just put them on this pedestal, I know how much they want to meet their great-grandkids (they're young enough it could happen), and I know how much our time together has meant to them. And I'm afraid that it's going to seem like a sham when they find out that I've been lying, or avoiding rather, about the truth for years. I don't want to hurt them, and I hope they won't be offended I didn't come to them first.
It's a phone call I had with my father that set the record straight (ha!). He told me when I called for ideas out shopping, that if I saw something that "looked like Grammie" I should buy it. No matter what it cost or how much she might like it, if I picked it out she'd love it because it would be a gift from me. And that's when I realized that I shouldn't be nervous about coming out to them at all. No matter how long it will have taken me to do, they're going to be fine with it because I found the courage, and it will be a gift from me :)
Thursday 12/16/2010
my thoughts yesterday...
I’m sitting here at O’Hare waiting to catch my plane back home, which most people dread. But for some reason I have this goofy grin on my face. I have this excited, nervous feeling that sort of weird’s me out. I do have starbucks beside my as I type, but I think the rush of getting up early and making great time through traffic and security has got me feeling like a kid on his way to Disneyland. No one should be up as early as I was, but I’m so anxious to get back to Bellingham and see my family, who (with the exception of my mother) I haven’t seen in over 4 months. I miss my little brother so much; he’s always whipped me into shape when I’m down and out. He’s a great brother, the kind that argues with you when you want to pick a fight and makes fun of you when he sees you could be stronger.
I’m excited to see old friends, although according to my ex “half of your old friends hate you,” in the kind of way that makes all of them want to come to my Gala this Sunday. Never believe your ex’s. Jealousy is a powerful tool used to thwart the onset of appreciation. I’m excited to find out what all of my comrades from High School have been up to since we all left last fall. Well, since some of us left last fall. I’ve been across the country, although many of us stayed in our hometown (yawn). As much as I love exploring, I can’t resist the butterflies I get in my stomach thinking of my favorite ice cream shop downtown or my chosen elliptical on the 5th floor of the YMCA. I think of the people that live in Bellingham as my childhood extras. There are a lot of people that walk in and out of your life you forget the names of, or can’t… No matter how much you might try. There are the places I want to revisit, the place where I had my first kiss, my first speeding ticket, the list goes on. It’s hard for me to believe that it’s all so close now. I can’t wait to see my mother’s smiling face picking me up at the airport!
I’m excited to see old friends, although according to my ex “half of your old friends hate you,” in the kind of way that makes all of them want to come to my Gala this Sunday. Never believe your ex’s. Jealousy is a powerful tool used to thwart the onset of appreciation. I’m excited to find out what all of my comrades from High School have been up to since we all left last fall. Well, since some of us left last fall. I’ve been across the country, although many of us stayed in our hometown (yawn). As much as I love exploring, I can’t resist the butterflies I get in my stomach thinking of my favorite ice cream shop downtown or my chosen elliptical on the 5th floor of the YMCA. I think of the people that live in Bellingham as my childhood extras. There are a lot of people that walk in and out of your life you forget the names of, or can’t… No matter how much you might try. There are the places I want to revisit, the place where I had my first kiss, my first speeding ticket, the list goes on. It’s hard for me to believe that it’s all so close now. I can’t wait to see my mother’s smiling face picking me up at the airport!
Tuesday 12/14/2010
ideas
There's a lot of people with big ideas. College, boyfriends, family, businesses, what to do this saturday, and the list goes on. And when you think of a big one, it can be really exciting! Just hold onto it.
These things take time, all the best ideas weren't shared the day someone thought of them. They aren't pledged to us the way Kennedy promised we'd put a man on the moon. Here's the thing, if you want to make something happen, you need to start simple, start slow. Build up your idea like you make a snowman; by rolling that little ball in your hands over and over and over again all hunched over and uncomfortable on the ground, making sure each side is even and smooth. It gets more snow and it gets bigger and before you know it, one piece is all done and you hardly even tried. If you tried to make that ball any other way you wouldn't make it perfect. You'd have some sort of lop-sided hunk of snow you couldn't even lift. Don't do anything half-assed.
So roll it carefully and set it aside.
Work on the next one the same way, and the next one, making the face of your snowman. When he's all complete, with the love and care you'd expect from a project as big as the one you're thinking of, that's the time to show him to the world. It takes time and concentration, but you may be surprised at how little effort is involved!
Just a little, gentle push turns that snow in the palm of your hand into that 6 foot tall snowman. Be patient.
It will be less impressive to show off the idea than it will to show the result. And as an added bonus, you won't have that embarrassing flop on your record if no one knows it as your idea ;)
CPBill
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MyPride friends: 1
SO well said Trev!
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