Sunday 1/11/2009
Separation of Faith and Sexuality
I grew up with a very Catholic background. Having families with nuns and priest you can now imagine what our household was like.
When I was still at a very young age on a regular day, my grandmother (when she was still alive), at the break of dawn she would wake up and go to church to hear mass. When she comes home from the church she would woke us up, prep us up for school and myself and my siblings would be ready by 6am to eat breakfast. At the breakfast table, it is a must that before we even drink milk or start eating we should say grace. Those were my mornings at home.
When I get to school, my day would always start with a prayer because I went to a Catholic school run by nuns. I wanted to go to public school but my parents, and of course my grandma wouldn’t let me go there because they thought my morals would be corrupted. Huh! Little have they known that my morals were already corrupted in the Catholic school that I went to.
My school was a co-ed school, I both have boy and girl friends. My boy friends would always tease me that I am gay but it did not affect me much because they were cool. The girls knew of course. Sometimes the guys go overboard but I have some stuff to blackmail them. I would just say that I wouldn’t let them copy my homework and with that they stop teasing me. It became my sort of defense to them but later on this kind of friendship blossomed into a deeper friendship. They soon respected me and if anyone from public school teases me that I am gay, they were the ones who get offended and gets into trouble. Cute, isn’t it? By the way this is my high school days. My elementary days were my denial stage and that is a different story.
I’ve never slept with anyone of the boys in my high school years. I have crushes and they knew about it but I never even tried to make moves on them and I guess that’s why until now, at the age of 31 they still look at me with so much respect. Now I would tease them about sleeping with them and they would tease me back that they were just waiting for me! Damn it! I should’ve made my moves. But do I regret not making the moves, no, because I think if I made something like that it would be awkward especially when you get to reunions and you know they’re all married (happily) with kids.
So going back to my Catholic upbringing, I always have this question in my mind every time I sleep with someone, did I commit a sin? Well, if I would ask my parents and my grandma, they would have probably died a long time ago or probably they would have locked me down with my uncle who is a priest, a very high ranking priest in our town. For me, I think it is a matter of what you really believe in, I don’t think I committed a sin. I didn’t harm anyone. In fact I gave that someone a smile on his face. I guess I should separate my faith from my sexuality. There!!! That is a good idea. This is like an oil and water problem, they don't mix together and that is probably how we should treat our faith. To preserve our religious beliefs, I think we should separate those "idea" from each other. With that you could still go to church even though you just made love to someone you barely knew from last night's tryst.
When I was still at a very young age on a regular day, my grandmother (when she was still alive), at the break of dawn she would wake up and go to church to hear mass. When she comes home from the church she would woke us up, prep us up for school and myself and my siblings would be ready by 6am to eat breakfast. At the breakfast table, it is a must that before we even drink milk or start eating we should say grace. Those were my mornings at home.
When I get to school, my day would always start with a prayer because I went to a Catholic school run by nuns. I wanted to go to public school but my parents, and of course my grandma wouldn’t let me go there because they thought my morals would be corrupted. Huh! Little have they known that my morals were already corrupted in the Catholic school that I went to.
My school was a co-ed school, I both have boy and girl friends. My boy friends would always tease me that I am gay but it did not affect me much because they were cool. The girls knew of course. Sometimes the guys go overboard but I have some stuff to blackmail them. I would just say that I wouldn’t let them copy my homework and with that they stop teasing me. It became my sort of defense to them but later on this kind of friendship blossomed into a deeper friendship. They soon respected me and if anyone from public school teases me that I am gay, they were the ones who get offended and gets into trouble. Cute, isn’t it? By the way this is my high school days. My elementary days were my denial stage and that is a different story.
I’ve never slept with anyone of the boys in my high school years. I have crushes and they knew about it but I never even tried to make moves on them and I guess that’s why until now, at the age of 31 they still look at me with so much respect. Now I would tease them about sleeping with them and they would tease me back that they were just waiting for me! Damn it! I should’ve made my moves. But do I regret not making the moves, no, because I think if I made something like that it would be awkward especially when you get to reunions and you know they’re all married (happily) with kids.
So going back to my Catholic upbringing, I always have this question in my mind every time I sleep with someone, did I commit a sin? Well, if I would ask my parents and my grandma, they would have probably died a long time ago or probably they would have locked me down with my uncle who is a priest, a very high ranking priest in our town. For me, I think it is a matter of what you really believe in, I don’t think I committed a sin. I didn’t harm anyone. In fact I gave that someone a smile on his face. I guess I should separate my faith from my sexuality. There!!! That is a good idea. This is like an oil and water problem, they don't mix together and that is probably how we should treat our faith. To preserve our religious beliefs, I think we should separate those "idea" from each other. With that you could still go to church even though you just made love to someone you barely knew from last night's tryst.
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