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Two years before Cole and Parker nestled into our little home, I was finally beginning to understand who I was as a person. With goals in mind and a clearer direction of where I wanted my future to go, I was sensing my behavior maturing and my skin thickening. Yes, the moon was in the Seventh House, and Jupiter aligned with Mars. So, with a better appreciation of self and community, I had a relatively good idea as to the type of parent I wanted to become. I knew how this baby daddy was going to raise his children and it did not include that dopey Barney, the dwarfish Teletubbies, or the too enthusiastic Wiggles. But as we all know, sometimes theory doesn’t always translate easily into practice!

Maybe I am being a bit bias, but I swear the cartoons and puppets of my generation seemed more fascinating and exciting. Animal, from The Muppets Show, was just wrong in so many ways, but I loved him because that is where I found humor and learned to speak English. Granted the Smurfs became a little odd once they had children and started time traveling, but they taught me the importance of individuality and solidarity. And what was up with Vanity smurf?

But I digress.

Maybe, the truth to all this animosity towards these current shows is that I am just being selfish and that sometime in the near future, instead of being able to watch Ugly Betty, I will have to succumb to the needs and requests of my children. This actually wouldn’t be so bad if DVRs would let us record more than two shows at a time, witout having to watch one of them while recording.

I guess what I am saying is that now that Cole and Parker are in my life, it is no longer just about me. I’ve had my turn. And, as much as it sucks to pass that torch (i.e. the remote control), I want my children to have as much opportunity as I did growing up. They should be able to create their own sense of self with the programs made available. Of course all of this can take place with a little guidance from a guy who just a few years ago cracked his own shell.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I paint. I just painted live for the World of Choclate event at the Hyatt. Anyway, for this blog to really be about my being, I will start including more things related to my life, such as the arts, events, exhibits and, of course, Frick and Frack!

Next Update - 1/5/06

www.erikRsosa.com

Calgon, take me away!

I never thought taking care of kids would be easy, but I never thought it would be this difficult either. It has now been a little over a month and I am beginning to feel and understand the complexity of parenthood. This daddy has the baby blues, and I can only begin to image what it would feel like to have postpartum depression.

Tom Cruise, you suck!

Anyway, I guess if you really want to have an inkling as to how I am feeling, I recommend buying the sound of a crying baby, or two, and playing it on your iPod non-stop for a day. If you are an over achiever and are in the mood for a challenge, carry a dirty diaper around to feel the full effect. Let me know how your body responds to that scratch and sniff tune.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my little peeps, but right for right now we all seem to be going through a period of adjustment. My adoption high is leveling off, and the smell of poop and Enfamil with Iron (baby formula) is bringing me back to reality. I think all these negative feeling and remarks are being heightened by the fact that we are all sick. Let’s just say that noses are not the only things that are runny around here.

Am I bad parent for feeling like I want to runaway and come back days later? Hell to the No. I know these feelings are a phase and will pass, besides, I am proud of the work I am doing with my children. Human League says it best, “I'm only human/Of flesh and blood I'm made/Human/Born to make mistakes.”

With that said, I think I want to keep entering more journals to keep a memoir of my feelings and happenings. Who knows, maybe something will become of my ranting.

Next Update – 1/4/06

www.erikRsosa.com

Halloween has never been so sweet and I don't mean because of the candy! Yes, our sleepless nights are filled with dirty diapers, constant crying and midnight feedings, but the cooing, raspberries and constant smiles are well worth the purple circles under our eyes! Trust me, this Halloween weekend; we didn't need any make up to look like zombies. Isn't fatherhood great!

If you sense a bit of sarcasm in this update, it's because we are sleep deprived and are in desperate need of a drink! Apple juice of course! Cole and Parker have now been home a week and we are in awe of the developmental progress they have made physically and mentally. At five and a half months, Cole and Parker are doing us proud! Cole, who is just beginning to prop himself up, can out run a cheetah and play Mozart with his drool! Parker, who has mastered the art of gripping, has been named the new spokesman for the World Armsport Federation after beating Sylvester Stallone in match of thumb war.

As you can see, the boys seem to be adapting and nestling very well into their new home. In fact, their transition has been so smooth; that mastering the skill of manipulation seems to be their new endeavor! But little do they know that we are older, wiser and have amazing friends and family that will teach us new tricks to get us through the years.

Next Update - 12/6/06

www.erikRsosa.com

I guess it’s time to grow up and be big boys. The dual income, no kids, stargate has closed. The future will bring me new challenges that will let us bond, love and care for each other. Together we will grow and nurture.

Antigua is a small town in the high plains of Guatemala City. A town best known for three things: the beautiful Spanish-style architecture and cobblestone streets built in the 16th century; ruined churches and monasteries; and a magnificent volcano to drape the city. A perfect colonial setting to meet the 2 boys, whose lives will forever change the lines of our lives.

We are a couple now turned four and the change feels great! We welcome fatherhood. Parker and Cole are the best of opposites. Cole is a fighter, a forceful little man who knows best. Parker, a romantic, seems like someone who will be simple and wise. These are our dreams. That they love, respect and live.

By next week we will know if PGN, the last phase of the adoption, will accept or reject of the dossier for changes needed. If all goes accordingly, we plan to return to Antigua within the month or less to pick-up our boys. In the meantime, Casa Quivira’s nurses are providing the best of physical development and medical care for our boys. Adoption is a privilege and we are thankful for this opportunity.

Next Update - 10/31/06

www.erikRsosa.com