Arayisms

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Sunday 12/3/2006

Back to reality

My Las Vegas trip is over. I had a great week but I am actually a lot happier now that I am back to Chicago. More and more I realize that this place is becoming my home. San Francisco has been my home and I have left my heart there. But now, that may not be the case anymore. Though I lack a family here, I have my friends. I also have my career and my future. And maybe someday, have my own family here.

Lately I have been thinking about my future. What I want to have and what I want to be. Who I want to be with and where will I be. It seems to me that it will take a while before I get there. At times I even think that I wont get there. Is life really suppose to be a journey? Is there really suppose to be something that I have to achieve and is this life the limit in which I have to acquire my goals?

My mind is mainly focused on love. Love of all sorts is what I strive for and what I live for. Why do I always think I have been deprived of it? I don't know. But I feel happy...I think.

Monday 11/20/2006

Wishful

Sometimes I'd wish that I could be given another chance to experience moments in my past that at that time I never even appreciated. When I was a kid, after school, I would go out on the streets and play street games with my neighbors. On weekends, after saving my allowance within that week, I would run to the store and buy cheese bread and chocolates which then I would wait until I get home, climb the antenna post all the way to the roof, lie down and feel the warm metal roof, watch the clouds go by while I eat my cheese bread and chocolates. I loved chillin' on the roof. I loved it so much that I almost got in trouble once. After school in the afternoon, waiting for my parents at home, I decided to go up and wait there. Once I closed my eyes I felt good and relaxed. Next thing I know I woke up around dusk and I hear my father and siblings screaming outside for my name. They thought I got lost.

When I was little I would also spend the rest of my afternoon in the closet. My grandma had a big house then and big closets. I would play in the closet and pretend it was my home until one of our nannies find me inside with all the clothes ruffled. Of course I got in trouble. Just a little. But it was all worth it.

I can relate to looking back and remembering how much fun I had when I was a kid. I have fond memories of riding my bike for hours. It was like a journey into a new frontier, my way of growing up and discovering what the world had to offer. Something how it seems I had it all at the time, just me and my bike and I was as happy as can be. But as we get older, our idea of happiness gets more complicated, as we desire so much more than just a bike.

Posted by bennyben on Wednesday, 11/29/2006 11:40PM

I really do agree. I think the first ever thing that made me happy all the time I get it was eating this special cereal that my mom bought once in a while. In the Philippines we do not get to eat cereal much...so whenever that time comes I get all excited.

Posted by aray on Wednesday, 1/31/2007 9:36PM

Monday 11/20/2006

when a song is stuck in my head.

When a song is stuck in my head I listen to the song over and over until I get tired of it. If I do not have the music available I sing it over and over until I get tired of it.

Does anyone know the poem that was in Lilies? I loved that poem but I have forgotten it. Eh.